Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Need some advice..

Ok so I have a problem. My DH’s family is way too involved in our life. we see them way too much however I feel like part of that is my fault because in the beginning I thought that it was amazing...he was so lucky to have a family like that because I never did but, over time it became something where I kept wondering when we were going to feel more like a real family without his around....it’s hard to explain but I am so sick of it he says his family is really important to him, that his family is AS important to him as me and dd and I feel like that is bs! I want to be MORE important I want us to feel like a family but it doesn't and we have been married for 5 years. What do I do?

Answer Question
 
momofone072506

Asked by momofone072506 at 8:50 PM on Nov. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (1,796 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • i think your being selfish. you are part of that family now and so is your daughter.
    my family is around all the time. My SO and son are not any more important them my parents and family. they are important to me and i would not tell my family not to come around to make my SO happy. if he doesnt want to be around my family, he can leave. you only live once and i want to spend as much time with all of my family as possible.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 8:59 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • It's not that i want him to cut out his family or anything but, they are TOO involved...going over once a week for dinner is fine but seeing them 2 or 3 times a week???? Doesn't that seem a little overboard?
    momofone072506

    Comment by momofone072506 (original poster) at 9:02 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • especially when all his mother does it criticize my parenting and make passive aggressive remarks about how her son is too good for someone like me

    momofone072506

    Comment by momofone072506 (original poster) at 9:04 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • I would tell her she was welcome in your house as long as she could keep her passive or non passive comments to herself Do not let her push you around or make you feel less then in your own home I am learning this about work as well. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:42 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • I agree with pinkdragon. His mother needs to be respectful of you, especially in your own home.
    buzymamaof3

    Answer by buzymamaof3 at 10:06 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Okay, the bad news is that they have been his family for 25 or more years? And they will still be his family when you are gone. It's unreasonable to think that you would take their place in his affections. There's enough love to go around. The good news is that you can look his bitch mom right in the eye and tell her very firmly that right or wrong, they are YOUR kids, and you will raise them YOUR way! Suggest to her that if she really feels that way that she can always leave, but that you will NOT be disrespected in your own home! I would probably say something cruder like : He outgrew your tit, now he's on mine! Again, like it or leave it, there's the door!
    MamaAlice54

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 11:41 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • I also think you're being selfish. Be thankful that you have a man so interactive and passionate about family. Wouldn't you want him to bestow those same characteristics to your child? When you're older... wouldn't it hurt your feelings for your child to distance themself from you or start cutting you out of their lives and your grandchildrens lives because of their spouse? Family is important. Cheris that.
    Raging.Pink

    Answer by Raging.Pink at 12:18 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • "I also think you're being selfish. Be thankful that you have a man so interactive and passionate about family"


     ok...but, don't you think he should be interactive and passionate about "our" family...not just his mom and sister but, me and his daughter too? Why is it that can spend 45 mins a day on the phone with his mom but, only talk to me in between video games...maybe i am being a little selfish but I am his WIFE and he is a grown man don't you think there should be some separation between his mother and him now?

    momofone072506

    Comment by momofone072506 (original poster) at 12:25 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • Also i just wanted to add that one thing that bugs me A LOT is that he tells his mother really personal details about our marriage and i do NOT think that is appropriate..

    momofone072506

    Comment by momofone072506 (original poster) at 12:26 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • Wow! In the beginning you though being around his family was great...now that you have a dd with him, you want his family to back off so you can be more important! Wow, I've heard it all today...the best advice, don't start anything that you aren't willing to finish...you thought it was great in the beginning so why should it change now?
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:23 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
MIL and Christmas gifts...

Next question overall (Health)
nausea

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN