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2 Bumps

In law help???

Ok so I have a problem. My DH’s family is way too involved in our life. we see them way too much however I feel like part of that is my fault because in the beginning I thought that it was amazing...he was so lucky to have a family like that because I never did but, over time it became something where I kept wondering when we were going to feel more like a real family without his around....it’s hard to explain but I am so sick of it he says his family is really important to him, that his family is AS important to him as me and dd and I feel like that is bs! I want to be MORE important I want us to feel like a family but it doesn't and we have been married for 5 years. What do I do?

Answer Question
 
momofone072506

Asked by momofone072506 at 9:00 PM on Nov. 8, 2010 in Just for Fun

Level 16 (1,796 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Well your job was to figure that out before you married him if you knew he was so close and married him despite it, you accepted that fact. If you thought it was awesome then you need to be understanding because really it's you who is changing not him. You can talk to him but you really should be gentle with it and let him make up his mind as to what he wants to do.

    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 9:06 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Welcome to the club. Been there so done that , but they are there for me. I came from a big family that ingored me cuz I was the only girl. Now at least I have someone to talk to besides my mom. I'll take my hubby's family anyday .........
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:06 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • the thing is thought that they are close to HIM they could care less about me. I have tried and tried and all they do is criticize me and my parenting and make passive aggressive remarks about dh and how i am not good enough for him...

    momofone072506

    Comment by momofone072506 (original poster) at 9:10 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • You should have thought of this before you married him. It sounds like he was up front and crystal clear with you that his family is that important to him and you said "I do". He shouldn't have to change just because you want him to now. If anyone has to change its you. You knew it going in. He has said you are as important to him as his family. That means you are very important as far as I see it. If you try to change him, then I think it could be the beginning of the end of this relationship. Why do women want to change the man after they get married?
    Lifes-A-Dance

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 9:23 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • You know he is not perfect and neither are you. Work on how you can support each other and still not loose the loce and belonging of the big family. Perhaps he needs to let his family know what they are doing to you and he cannot allow that to occur.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:23 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • "You should have thought of this before you married him "


    Ok so was i was a total idiot in thinking that in the beginning we would spend a lot of time with them because we would be getting to know each other but eventually we would start to separate a little?  If yes then how do i deal with it now? How do i deal with them treating me like crap??

    momofone072506

    Comment by momofone072506 (original poster) at 10:01 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Of course you typically spend more time with the fam in the beginning because like you said, you are getting to know him and them. It's sad that you haven't been able to break away after 5 years of married life. You must live in the same town? Is there an opportunity to move to another place and be further away? I know that's what my DH and I are planning, so we can have our own lives and feel like our own family. We plan to find a home equal distance from his parents as my parents. I would just keep communicating with him and just let him know that you understand they are important to him (as they should be) but how much you would appreciate to have separate time away from them- for longer periods of time in between. Some breathing room. As for them and the comments they make to you, about you- communicate with them as well. They shouldn't be saying such hurtful things, you are their DIL. Good luck!
    Sharell8710

    Answer by Sharell8710 at 12:00 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I love your question. My husband's side of the family is so-- different from mine. After I got married- my mother butted out of my affairs- unless I asked them to come over. On the other side- My husband has two other brothers, One lived in California and the other in Columbes- We were the only ones that lived around the in-laws. We either was at their house or them at ours everynight or everyother night. And if there was anything that had to be done at their house it was my husband that was there . Now, my husband's father had a health problem(he only had a half of one lung) -We had been married for five years told we couldn't have any kids and after 5 yrs. we had amotorcycle wreck and we ended up having a little boy. Three weeks before we had our baby- they started acting different- And though we ask what's wrong we keep being told everythings fine - Trust me- It's not!
    Irontontiger

    Answer by Irontontiger at 11:51 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • There is a time and place for visits .Your husband is to cling to you as you are his wife .It is nice to have family around no doubt , but there is a limit to everything ,its not like you making him choose you or his family , you are his family ,he just needs to know that you and your children comes first and the family members should respect that :)
    sweethonesty520

    Answer by sweethonesty520 at 1:16 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • i no longer go see mil due to ever time i went they would not talk to me or the kids
    so i don't see his family he goes alone and
    he does not go to my family and works out great
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 5:25 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

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