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anyone have problems after birth...everyday my hubby and i get into fights...some of them are about his needy mother...

my MIL always wants to see her grandchild but doesnt make herself clear on her wishes...like his 1st halloween I didnt know she wanted to see him and she went to her Daughter to cry about it then i get a text from my SIL to see when i am going to be in the neighborhood...i never told her that...everytime i turn around i have to wait for MIL to call to make plans!! but then i am so stressed out from my baby whom needs to be with me 24/7....so when my hubby comes home from work i just want to pass the baby off because i need time for myself! that never ends up happening because the baby gets tossed back into my arms when he starts crying...i am so stressed out i donno what to do and i am loosing my mind....all of this stress makes me want to walk out on a cute baby or an awesome hubby that has been putting up with all of this but not manning up to his mom/taking care of the baby!

 
funbabyboy08

Asked by funbabyboy08 at 2:17 AM on Nov. 2, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (5)
  • Sounds like hubby has some growing up to do! Flat out my husband and I went through this about a month after our son was born, he always stuck up for his mother and wouldn't help out with the baby and when I tried talking to him it went in one ear and out the other, so one day when he got off work he came home to find all of his clothes packed and waiting by the door, he then wanted to know what the hell was going on so I sat him down and told him everything and also made sure that he knew that since mommy was number 1 he could go live with her that I was tired of being a married single parent. Well over a year later (it takes time and progress) things are MUCH MUCH better we sometimes have a few set backs but thats ok it's no longer a daily thing - wifey and kids are now first
    Married2theBest

    Answer by Married2theBest at 2:24 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • BE POLITE, SLOW YOUR BREATHING, SMILE, AND THEN TELL YOUR MOTHER IN LAW THAT RIGHT NOW WITH THE STRESS OF A NEWBORN AND HOUSEHOLD TO TAKE CARE OF THAT SHE NEEDS TO MEAN WHAT SHE SAYS AND SAY WHAT SHE MEANS. IF SHE WANTS TO VISIT OR SEE THE BABY THEN IF POSSIBLE YOU WILL TRY YOUR BEST, BUT CALLING EVERYONE AND BITCHING ABOUT IT DOESN'T HELP YOUR STRESS AND ONLY CREATES MORE PROBLEMS IN YOUR HOME. TELL HUBBY IF HE IS WORRIED ABOUT MOMMA'S FEELINGS THEN HE CAN FEEL FREE TO TAKE THE BABY BY HIMSELF AND SPEND THE DAY LETTING THE BABY SPEND TIME WITH GRANDMA. THIS WILL GIVE YOU A MUCH NEEDED REST. BEEN THERE-DONE THAT- AND I KNOW A MUCH OF PAIN IT IS. GOOD LUCK.
    NURSE_MOM_OF_2

    Answer by NURSE_MOM_OF_2 at 2:25 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • Maybe you could call your MIL and make plans with her....invite her over (and ask her to bring dinner!) and then maybe you could get a break while your husband and his mom pass the baby back and forth (and see what they've been missing out on!!) Go take the shower or fix your hair or give yourself a manicure or pedicure - you may not have a chance for earlier for fear you'd come out to hear the baby screaming, or just take a nap!! My second cried unless I was holding her....never ate on schedule....I'd try to feed her every 3 hours, and all she wanted was to sleep in my arms...She's almost 5 now and she still doesn't eat every meal. I regret feeling so frustrated about her crying all the time and having to hold her so much. I wish I could go back and hold my kids as babies again! But I also didn't just give birth 7 weeks ago. a baby bjorn or sling might help. hang in there, it will get better!
    gesigan95

    Answer by gesigan95 at 6:00 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • I'm sorry, but if they lived close by, then I would automatically assume that my in-laws wanted to see my baby on occasions like the 1st Halloween.... Maybe you could turn your MIL into a resource instead of a stressor. If she wants to see the baby tell her that you would love for her to keep the baby a few hours a week so that you can do your grocery shopping or get out of the house for whatever reason. My DH is the same way about giving the baby back as soon as she cries, so I started telling him that he was going to keep her a few hours once a week so that I can get out of the house. I think you need to work on your communication with both DH and MIL, you can't expect them to speak up if you don't.
    Kimebs

    Answer by Kimebs at 7:03 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • I don't see a huge problem with your hubby. Most men are afraid of babies and don't know what to do when they cry, especially if they're breastfed babies. Invite MIL to come by before you leave for occassions and invite her to go with you if she wants. Give specific times and tell her that you have to keep to a schedule, it's hard keeping up with everyone else's with a baby. Any good grandma would want to see the child's firsts and most holidays period. Mine couldn't give a rats behind about my kids so consider yourself lucky. My SIL fills in for all of the grandma things and I've adopted my kids a grandma.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:09 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

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