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2 Bumps

what do you do about bigger kids?

I have a 2 year old, small for her age and shy, that I take to the nearby playground pretty much daily (I don't have a car and it's the only walking-distance park). Lately a group of bigger kids (the oldest one isn't even 9) have been there and they swarm all over her. They fight over who gets to pick her up, push her on the swings, push her down the slide, and she gets stuck in the middle of these fights. I'm big on "letting kids handle kid stuff", if it was another toddler messing with her I probably would let it alone and let her learn to handle it, but 4 school age kids on one small 2 year old is ridiculous. These kids are ALWAYS unaccompanied, so there's no parent or babysitter I can talk to. I've asked them dozens of times to "leave the baby alone" but they don't care, and I'm not getting physical with little kids. My little girl is now scared of the park. Ideas?

Answer Question
 
soflashelley

Asked by soflashelley at 7:05 AM on Nov. 9, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 16 (3,076 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • No one, and I mean NO one handled my kids unless they knew them well, or consented to it their self. ugh, I feel your pain though.

    Just go all momma bear on them. Tell them to leave her be, and when they don't tell them that you're going to talk to their mom. In most cases they'll leave you be because their mom has no idea where they are, doesn't care, and doesn't want to be bothered- they definitely do not want trouble from her.
    On a side note, you should really take cues from your DD about being handled by other people. She has her own little physical boundaries too, you know?
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 7:10 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • She is very forceful about not wanting to be held by these kids. She says "NO TAKE ME!" but is too small to physically fight them off.
    soflashelley

    Comment by soflashelley (original poster) at 7:15 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I would definatly speak up. You have tried being nice with these kids. It is not working. Put your foot down and tell them to leave her alone, or you will walk them home and talk to their Mother(s).Then if you later get a call, or the Mother approaches you, tell her what is happening. Your DD does not want to play with them and is becoming scared of the park. You don't want that, and you certianly do not want her thinking it is ok for older kids/people to just come and pick her up, or take her somewhere. Put a stop to it now.
    RheaF

    Answer by RheaF at 7:22 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I would really put my foot down and get in the middle in your face attitude, let them know you are in control not them, do not let them run you out of the park.

    older

    Answer by older at 7:32 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I would walk the kids home,or watch to see were they live.Talk to there parents about it.There parent need to know what they are doing.They should.t be going by them self,there is too many crazy people out there.Good luck
    bucky77

    Answer by bucky77 at 7:34 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I understand that you don't want to get into it with little kids, and also about letting your little one learn to fight her own battles - however - she also needs to know that as her mom you're going to step in and help her when she's in a situation that's over her head. This is one of those situations.

    You tell the kids flat out - you don't have to get physical with them - but you tell them firmly and in NO uncertain terms that this is YOUR daughter and you do NOT want them picking her up, hauling her around, etc. She is NOT a toy for them to fight over, she's a person, and she does NOT like it. Tell them that if they do NOT stop, that you WILL be going to talk to their mothers. (Even if their mom isn't there, they do have to go home sooner or later, and other kids are often willing to "nark out" a kid and tell where they live.)

    gl!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:22 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • Well, if they didn't stop I would tell them, nicely, I was calling the police. AND follow through. What you are describing is ridiculous and your little one needs to be able to enjoy the park. If you threaten it follow through or the older ones will know they are in control. If you call the police I would ask that they not come with sirens, etc. And actually I would ask the kids names and where they live in friendly conversation in case they run when you call the police. Then you have names and addresses if you need to give them. Good luck. I hope just the threat of calling ends it all.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 9:01 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I hear you. I let kids handle their own stuff. But not when my son's safety is an issue. I can hang back but when it is older kids being hard around him I do one of two things: either I distract him and take him to another area or I walk over and say to the kids to please be careful because he is little and you are much bigger. Usually this works. I don't ever yell or get upset at someone else's child. I don't need their mom get all red neck on me. I don't like starting drama. This is why I also choose to remove my child to another part of the play area if possible. Most kids are good about redirection. I have never had any kid give me trouble once I nicely talk to them about not being so hard or carrying him off. So many kids wanted to pick him up and hold him when he was a toddler. It is normal. So just be good about approaching older kids and no worries.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:01 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • i think you should not ask the big kids to leave her be.
    you should tell them to leave her be.
    you are an adult, and they are still children.
    say "she does not want you to pick her up, that is why she said no take me. do not pick her up again"
    if that does not work, i would ask where they live, and talk to their parents.
    my kids always liked being picked up and played with, so i only ever had to monitor things to keep it safe.
    you should also tell your dd she did a great job by using her words : )
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 11:28 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • Although I think it's sweet that the big kids like her so much it is obvious she doesn't enjoy the attention so you have to get involved.  I like the idea of threatening to tell their parents.  That's usually enough to get most kids under control.


    Tell them if they don't leave the baby alone they will have to walk you to their house so you can talk to whoever is home about their behavior.  I know if my kids came home from the park with an adult in tow they would be in all sorts of trouble.  Just because they play unaccompianed doesn't mean I don't care about their behavior.  If they are midbehaving I would love for someone to tell me.  I would hope I raised them better than that but you never know.

    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 11:28 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

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