Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

P;ease give a co-dependent wife and mother advice on where to begin with leaving her alcoholic husband?

I've been married for 13 years, sometimes it was questionably smooth, the others was horribly stressful and like walking on egg shells! Mostly it was honestly, full of unpredictable belligerence at the drop of a hat!

Answer Question
 
h2obare

Asked by h2obare at 4:45 AM on Nov. 2, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • First thing is make sure your children understand what is going on and why you need to do what you are. If you leave(he really should leave) make sure that they are safe. Do you have a job that will pay for your needs or help pay for them? Can you take care of your children on your own? Maybe this is the wakeup call your husband needs. Alcoholism is a disease and your husband needs help.You need some kind of supposrt system. Do you have that? Think of your children and what you want for their life and then things will be a little easier. Think of them.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 4:52 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • oh yes, I do know this pattern. My 1st hubby was/IS an alkie! I was married 15 yrs, dated 4 yrs befor that.(3 kids) He was an alkie in hi-school. Sad! Sugar there is no good way. Everyone will have advice for you then get mad at you when you go back. Its a yo-yo just like the relationship. NO one can help you leave even tho you know you should leave & want to leave, until it gets so bad you cant take anymore. The damage your doing to your children is unbelievable, you know that too, but you still do the yo-yo! Insane, of course you know that. When your really ready to leave, you will find away to leave & nothing will stand in your way of doing it...its just gettin to that point is the hard part. Its NOT easy, you know that, then pick up your bags and leave. It really is that easy, once you get to that point. Again, the hard part is getting there. (Oh the stories I could tell you!) Good luck & god bless!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:41 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • I had to leave mine. I made plans to stow away money until I could afford to leave then I just disappeared with my children. He went to work one day and I waved goodbye. When his car rounded the corner I threw stuff in the car and grabbed my kids and took off. It took him over a year to find me and when he did I filed for divorce. I had held off filing bc I didn't want him knowing where I was.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:36 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • have you ever left him before over the alcoholism? both my friend and i left our husbands for a few weeks for the same deal - with me being pregnant and she had a baby on her hip. they were both soon up our bums trying to get us back. over a year later for each of us and there hasn't been one belligerant day! plus, (ok these guys are manly men - both hunters and very selfish) but they both agreed and accomplished a relationship counsoling course. just some ideas before you run off....I would def put the childrens best interest in mind......unless it is too much to bear...good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:43 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • Well, it think weather or not you want to save your marriage, you just have to bite the bullet and do it. I think it would be best if somehow you could get him to move out so that the children don't have to change their surroundings. Can he sober up, can he change? Absolutly. But I honestly feel that in situations like this, you need to kick him out on his butt. Let him hit rock bottom. Other wise, your really just enabling him. So If it is at all possible, don't leave, make him leave.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 11:23 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • You will decide for yourself when you have had enough. In the meantime, go to Al-Anon as much as you can. I would need a counselor to help me make a plan and follow through. I don't have close friends or relatives who would encourage me. I think you may want to ask friends to help you once you have a plan. It's not easy and it isn't quick. Keep focusing on the 12 steps and you will succeed.
    manna1qd

    Answer by manna1qd at 12:10 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • Many places have shelters for women and children if you do not have family to go too!! I know it does not sound great but it is important to get out if he will not seek help for himself. You should also get some counseling for you and the children!! Wish you all the best!!
    jennylynn22003

    Answer by jennylynn22003 at 2:54 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN