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Should i stay or should i go?

I have been with my BF for almost 3 years, we have a beautiful 14 months old son together who is the love of our lives, Unfortunately i cant say we feel the same way about each other. We fight over stupid stuff, and he rarely apologizes. He never helps me around the house, he says he is to tired. He works close to 40 hrs a week at a gas station and takes care of our son while i go to work. I work part time as a waitress and i spend the rest of the time being a mom and "wife" I cook, clean, take care of my kid, and ill be going back to college in the spring. He doesn't say thank you its like he expects it to be done, that has to do with his heritage, he was born and raised in Ukraine, moved here when he was 13 (now 26) thats the role of women there cook, clean make babies. If i left he would be all alone in AZ, he has no family here but idk how much more i can take, If anyone can relate please share any advise would help

Answer Question
 
1mama2B

Asked by 1mama2B at 10:19 AM on Nov. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (25 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Sounds like you both put in your share of the work. That's excellent. You have a much better foundation than a lot of couples where the husband actually refuses to help at all.
    I think you can work through this. Just open up a conversation with him about how much you appreciate what he does and that you'd like to know he appreciates what you do. Then give him suggestions on how you can make yourselves stronger as a couple. Do you need more alone time with him? Weekend away? Date night? etc
    Don't give up so easily.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 10:24 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • have you told him how you feel?Maybe you can work this out.If you have told him and you guys are still fighting a lot,it really isn't good for you baby to be around that.
    I went though this with my husband,well he wasn't from another country.I just let him know that I don't like being taken for granted.He told me some ting that I was doing that upset him.We both are working on it and we are doing good.I all most left him it got so bad,I told him I wasn't going to raise my baby with her seeing us fight all the time.I sure as hell wasn't going to have anymore.Godd luck I hope everything works out for you.Both of you have to want it though.
    bucky77

    Answer by bucky77 at 10:30 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I believe the is inside of you! First talk to him like Orionsgirl said! Try to help him appriciate! But if it does not get better and you do not want to accept the way he is living life you have to move forward! Do you want your child to grow learing that is the right way to live life? Look deep you will find the right answer! Good Luck!
    jem102675

    Answer by jem102675 at 10:32 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • Unfortunately i cant say we feel the same way about each other..................

    more info please? do you not love him?

    the other stuff sounds like you can work through this, but the statement at top is not explained
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:32 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • Don't stay with him just so he won't be alone. Move on if you have truly and deeply considered your relationship and if you feel there is no happy future in staying together. That doesn't mean he can't be an active part of his child's life, but he doesn't have to be the man in yours. He needs to take responsibility for himself and if he want to continue in a culture different than you want to live and raise your child in, then he should do it with someone else who also wants to live that way. Give him the choice to make a change or you will make the change for him by moving on.

    Good luck.
    DivaDynamite

    Answer by DivaDynamite at 10:50 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • can someone say counselor
    diana398

    Answer by diana398 at 10:50 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • i think there may be a communication issue as to how you each show love...i dont know alot about his culture, but he may feel like his way of expressing love for you is supposed to be in working to provide for you and caring for the child. he might not know how to express love and affection in the way that you expect it. theres a book, the 5 love languages or something like that. you can probably google info on it. it discusses how different people express love differently and talks about how to understand people with different "love languages". i really think that you can fix this.
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 10:52 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • You are raising alot of issues at once. That's okay sometimes we all need to vent. What exactly do you want from him? I think you need to decide that before you can move forward. Then talk to him and explain why you feel you are being taken advantage of. Because of his upbringing he doesn't view things like you do. Can you afford a cleaning lady twice a month to take some of the burden off of you? That way you wouldn't feel so put upon. Also, do you love him and want to be with him? That might be something to think about. Fighting over stupid stuff is usually what people do when there are larger issues not being handled. You also need to consider your baby. He sounds like a good father and you both want what is best for your son. Try couples counseling, go by your self if he won't go. If you just need to vent, message me, I will listen.
    CorrinaWithrow

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 10:57 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I feel you, as I'm sure many Moms can relate. I'd tell him how you feel, but go one step past that. When I was having issues like this, I told my Mom, and she said that complaining gets nowhere and actios speak louder than words, right? So if after trying to talk to him, if he DOES do something you want (ie- cook a meal, wash a few dishes, etc) than give him a lot of attention for it. Thank him a lot basically, sounds corny but men need their egos boosted sometimes. This worked for me. The more appreciative I was for the little things my SO did, the more he'd do. Good luck though, sounds like a lot is going on and like it's been said, maybe couple counseling would be good too.
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 11:13 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I still love him, & I want to be with him, & he does know how i feel to some extent but somethings i keep to myself just because i dont want to deal with the fighting. When he does help me he expects a parade, nobody throws me a parade when i do the dishes or cook. I do feel like im being taken advantage of but i think he just assumes since im not working full time that he EXPECTS me to do things, which i do no problem. He wont do counseling he says if you have to go to counseling then there is no point of trying to make the relationship work. We try not to fight around our son, we will step out onto the balcony or go into our room, mostly it happens while our son is sleeping. More alone time would be nice, but money is very tight and we dont have a babysitter only my mom. I just want him to realize that he has it good & things wouldnt be so easy if i wasnt around, he thinks he can do everything i do, would love to see him try
    1mama2B

    Comment by 1mama2B (original poster) at 11:39 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

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