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pls need advice w/my sd

shes not bad to where she cusses or fights at school or anything like that .Im just tired of her not waking up on time in the morning, classes start at 8:45& she is at home just getting ready at 8:45, she gets to class at 9am.Last night she went to sleep at 2:30am, i was so upset i woke up hubby & told him he better go out & tell her to go to sleep, he didnt think anything about it because he was half asleep, now this morning i told him that when i get home from work which is at midnigt she better be in bed, those are my rules& she better follow them, not only that but a 15yr old has no business being up at2:30am on a school night, i told him he better stop acting like her damn brother& act like her father, these rules go to our 2&4yr old as well, he just stared at me& just said okay but if its not me trying to put disapline then he wont, what can i do, she wont clean & i ask her like 10x & he doesnt say anything when


Asked by Anonymous at 10:38 AM on Nov. 9, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • If your SD is social a good consequence might be when she asks to go to a friend's house you tell her you wish she could (try to be empathetic even if you aren't feeling it), but sadly she will have to stay home and take care of the chores she was supposed to have already done.

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 11:18 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • My best advice is find a Love & Logic parenting class and get your husband to go with you. I was frustrated about similar things before I took that class. I was having issues with my daughter getting up and ready on time and issues with her not doing all of her chores, and the only one who was upset was me. What I learned was I needed to worry about controlling the things I could control and I needed to let things be a problem for her so she would figure out how to take care of them. With getting up and ready I told her what time I would be leaving each morning (I can control that), and if she was ready on time she got a ride and if not she had to figure out how to get to school and she had to deal with the office (not my problem). -continued-

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 11:09 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • doesnt, he does it for her, im sick & tired, i feel like a damn maid& im tired, we were going to separate & i decided to give it a try one of the reasons why i was going to leave was because of both of them not doing anything, i told him i might as well be alone, im willing to have a house clean but im not going to be anyones servant

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:39 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • Have you tried taking things she likes away? Like TV, computer, games, fun time with friends. My SS likes to not listen to us at times so we take things away and he gets them back after he listenes for a few nights. Good Luck!

    Answer by jem102675 at 10:42 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • We did turn her cell phone off but she always uses hubbys, i guess the problem is him not saying anything& she knows he wont so its me getting upset because she is awake at 2:30am& not helping out w/the cleaning.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:49 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • With chores I asked her to do things and gave her a deadline, and then I didn't mention it again (no warnings). When the dealine hit I'd tell her thanks if the chore was done, and there would be a consequence if it wasn't done. She never knew what the consequence might be if she didn't complete the task, and I tried out several before I found some that made an impact. One that worked well for us was she didn't clean up the bathroom by the dealine I had given her, so when I got ready to go shopping she assumed she was coming; she was very surprised when I didn't take her and left her home to complete the chore she was supposed to have already done plus another one.


    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 11:15 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • Thanks tweenandtwinmom, i just had a talk w/hubby& told him i was tired, my boys started sleeping w/us after she moved in they gave up their room for her, so i told hubby she no longer had a room, im moving all of her clothes into the hallway closet& her twin bed matress is going in our room , when its time for bed she can pull it out into the living room, also i told hubby that as of tomorrow morning she will be riding the bus, at 7:45am she will be waiting outside by the curb& hes not going to say a damn thing about it.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:23 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • The real issue is between you and your husband. Your SD can clearly see that you are not united on a lot of fronts. It's important that you speak with your husband alone (just the two of you), not in the presence of the children, and maybe not even at home. Take a dinner date, a long drive, lunch, breakfast, anything you can come up with that will allow you and your husband to discuss the issues that you are facing with your daughter (alone). I have 9 children (one child I came to the marriage with), and our best defense is our tight alliance with one another. My children know that when I say something or my husband, it's as if the other spouse said the same thing. Work on your marriage first, only then will you begin to see the change in your daughter. I hope all works out for everyone, remember there are no enemies within the camp, work together.

    Answer by Lordgivemewizdm at 3:32 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • Your not her mom, you are her step mom so YOUR rules don't count. While she is with her dad it is up to him and he doesn't seem to mind what is going on. You can't compare her to a 2 and 4 year old that's crazy. Does she live there full time or does she just visit there? Dont' get involved, let her get in trouble at school and then her dad (and mom if she lives with her) will deal with it.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 3:38 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • i was going to suggest the love & logic parenting classes... it takes the stress off you and puts it on her, where it belongs... nothing will change until she feels uncomfortable to change it.

    Answer by babymar at 7:08 PM on Nov. 9, 2010