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When do you know when your marriage is over?

I think mine is cause my hubby told me last night he is better off getting a appt. I feel he dont love me anymore.he is always screaming at me for what ever reasonsjust had to ask all of you...

 
Julie25

Asked by Julie25 at 8:32 AM on Nov. 2, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (16)
  • When it doesn't hurt when he says it, it's over. If there's still pain on both sides, then there's something to work with. No pain means you don't care anymore. If you don't care why bother?

    So long as there is 'love' to work with, then there is still something if you want to put the effort into it. Relationships go through phases. 'I love you, but am not in love with you' doesn't mean over, it just means that neither person is doing the things that tie the other person to the relationship personally. It's saying I WANT to feel this way, but you aren't giving me a reason to.

    Marriagebuilders.com has some great ideas for rebuilding the 'in love' part of your relationship, even when it's been shriveling and starving for a long time.
    Kestrel1

    Answer by Kestrel1 at 6:07 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • Maybe what you 2 need is a break from each other. Just because you take a break doesn't mean your marriage is over.Sometimes it works out better when people realize what they are missing.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 8:34 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • It would be over for me........get on with your life and forget about anyone that could be that abusive to you. He is just plain mean and cruel..........
    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 8:48 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • It's over when there's nothing left to work with. I've said in other posts that I don't think living seperately is the answer for saving a marriage. How do you work thru your problems if you're not together? If he's wanting to move out, then I think that he's thinking it's over so prepare yourself for that as much as it's possible to do but there's always hope. A lot of people seperate and then get back together and everything is as good or better than it was before because they're more appreicative of the relationship. I wish you a whole lot of luck. I'd try councelling first, self help books etc before I decided to live outside my home but everyone is different, every relationship is different. Much Luck.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:48 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • I agree that many times separations help. You can determine how long you want to work on the marriage after he moves out. Keep in mind that many men think that they are single again once they leave the marital home so he might be dating other women and having a good time while you are sitting home with the kids trying to figure out how to make your marriage work. My point of saying that is to say put a limit on how long you will wait on him to figure out things. (a month? 3 months? 1 yr?) If he has no desire to work on the marriage then that might be the time you agree with him and end it so you can find someone who wants to be in a loving relationship with you.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:41 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • It's over when the respect is gone from the relationship. When respect leaves, so does communication, acknowledgement, intimacy, friendship, love and happiness. If he's yelling at you, there's a good chance his respect for you is completely gone. Onci it it it's almost impossible to get it back.
    SugaB28

    Answer by SugaB28 at 10:35 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • Its over when you call it quits, or when he calls it quits. Even the most desprate marriages can be saved. But it takes work, sacrifice, and forgivness. It just really depends on weather or not you are willing to fight for your marriage. And just because respect leaves, doesn't mean that it can't come back. But it takes one person willing to fight for their marriage to step away from their pride and fight for it. If you would like to talk more, I would be willing to. PM if you want.

    PS, my marriage was all but over. DH was 99.9 % gone and already moved on with another woman. As I say this, we just celebrated our 6th anaversary last night. It wasnt easy, but we are now both 100% in this marriage now, and our affection and respect for eachother is stonger then it has ever been, its stronger then I could have ever imagined.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 11:18 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • I wonder this often. My husband... well, let's just say sometimes it's hard to know if it's worth the effort anymore. I feel like there's no making him happy and that we're just an obstacle that he's stuck with. I told him before we got married that I don't believe in divorce, and I always thought I would stick this out. But I gave him the option the other night of walking out and never coming back if he's that unhappy. How great is it going to be for our DS (he's 2) and DD (due in 3 weeks) to be raised by a man who feels obligated to be with them and their mother?

    I guess that doesn't answer your question. Sorry. If you want to save your marriage, fight for it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:34 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • When one of you can honestly say that they are no longer IN LOVE, then you know it is over.
    kscmbz

    Answer by kscmbz at 11:34 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • It seems when you just don't get along anymore or one is yelling more then the other its usually close to the end. I was with my first husband for 14yrs and it wasn't until we had our 3rd child when it was over. It was over before that but we were both in denial about it. We never got a long we'd yell at eachother call eachother names we'd even go out without eachother. I stayed for the kids but that isn't always the best thing to do. Now I'm re married and never been happier. When its over you just know deep in your heart and go with what you feel.
    histree

    Answer by histree at 11:35 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

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