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2 Bumps

Fights about his family

My SO and I fight all of the time about his family. There were some things that were said and done early on in the relationship that were very hurtful and disrespectful. I choose not to deal with them at all. He acts as if he doesn't see anything wrong with the things that were said and done by his mother and grandmother. He says that they want to reach out and that I am hurting him. I didn't put him in this situation they did. I told him that I don't have to like them or deal with them but when the baby comes I will tolerate them. Now he is mad that I don't want to go to a party that they are having. They have walked in a room and spoke to him and kept moving (and I am sitting right next to him). I cannot deal with them right now. How should I handle this situation with my SO?

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byzzye

Asked by byzzye at 1:51 PM on Nov. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Level 11 (552 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • You would be smart to deal with the situation by killing them with kindness, even if you have to puke in the bathroom after you do it, it is in your best interest to do so, his family is his roots and they will not be disappearing any time soon.

    older

    Answer by older at 1:54 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • Unfortunately you will have to deal w/them as long as you're in a relationship w/him. As his wife/SO and mother of his child, he should tell them that their words and actions have hurt you & that they need to not do or say whatever it was that was hurtful. He should be taking your side, whether he agrees w/you or not. He sees you daily, not them.
    And after he has talked to his side of the family, it needs to be dropped. You and him (and his family) move forward, putting the past behind you all.
    You don't have to like them but there will be times that you will have to tolerate them. Like previous poster said, kill them w/kindness. If has to do w/your child, THEN put your foot down. After all it is YOUR child, not theirs.
    I had to deal w/something similar to this w/my ex and his family. GOOOOOD LUCK!!
    cheekycherub

    Answer by cheekycherub at 2:01 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • if you are pregnent you need to tell your man that the stress his family is giving you is not good at all for the baby and you need to tell him to tell his family that and you need to remind his family or let him tell them that if they are going to love and want to see your baby that the baby is a major part of you he/she has 50% of your dna and they are going to have to accept you in order to truely love your baby
    cnoble927

    Answer by cnoble927 at 2:04 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I hate my husbands father because of things my husband told me about his dad when he was growing up, total jerk, and that's putting it nice. He doesn't have much to do with him, but when he does I hate it. He comes back with a terrible attitude. The man is not allowed in my home nor is he allowed to have any relationship with my child. He also, in the past couple of years, did jail time for growing acres of pot on his property, scumbag!
    courtcaton

    Answer by courtcaton at 2:04 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • At some point you have to forgive them, not for them, but for you. If you keep holding on to things that happened along time ago its just going to eat you up. They are your family too and you need to learn to deal with it, not make your husband choose.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 2:07 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • My best suggestion would be to sit down with your SO and go over what is and is not acceptable behavior coming from them. He needs to know exactly what they have done in the past and why it will not be acceptable in the future, if he wants you to try then he has to promise that if anyone says or does anything hurtful to you that it will be HIS responsibility to IMMEDIATELY come to your defense-you shouldn't have to be the bad guy in his family and it IS his responsibility to stand up for you. Then after the two of you have agreed on this then you put what his family has done to you in the past and move forward because you love your SO. Make it clear to your SO that if his family continues to hurt you and your SO does not come to your rescue then you will no longer have anything to do with them.
    AshleyBishop06

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 2:08 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • Thank you all. I will try it this way because avoiding them and holding on to the past is not working!!! Maybe I will try to do a trial run with the party this weekend and let what happened in the past stay in the past.
    byzzye

    Comment by byzzye (original poster) at 2:14 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I agree with first poster.
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 12:48 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

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