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marriage ending?

So for the last month or so my husband an I have been fighting alot, in this past month ive quit my job because i was unhappy and stressed out and i was bringing my stress home with me and that was good for our family and then ive been dealing with depression and i finally went to the docs yesterday and got meds but my insurance is pending and i cant aford my meds. Mainly are fights seem to be about me being depressed cause i rarely have sex with him and he gets mad and it almost makes me wonder if he married me because of that idk anymore i love him im just not sure im inlove with him. He makes big deals about if i dnt save him a plate at dinner or if im not cleaning or doing the dishes. I feel like im being treated like a maid and im lost. I'm wondering if an when i get my meds if it will help me to help us, i just dont want my kids hurt in all this but i know either way theyll get hurt.

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angelnina8715

Asked by angelnina8715 at 2:39 PM on Nov. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Level 8 (255 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • You need to realize that YOU quit your job and you are now at home so his expectations of having a clean home and a cooked meal are not unrealitic.
    You also need to realize that most men equal sex with love. When you are not having sex with him, he does not feel loved.

    Are you sure that you weren't depressed before you quit your job? also, try to see things from his perspective...he now is the sole support for the family so I am sure that he is just as depressed as you are.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 2:43 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • i was depressed before leaving my job and it just hasnt gotten any better and just because im home doesnt mean i should have to do everything and take care of the kids i get worn down. and things about the house have been the same since we got married hell only help if he thinks im mad at him and sex shouldnt equal love, i shouldnt have to have sex with him for him to know i love him
    angelnina8715

    Comment by angelnina8715 (original poster) at 2:54 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I would love to friend invite to be my friend I think we have some things in common and would love to answer more of your qustion but husband will be back soon. I have not had sex with husband either for about a year but I had a whole hystermenray so that is my reason and he does not under stand that. I would try the meds but I was on them for awhile and decided I needed to do things that made my happy and not relay on medicine to do it for me. Decide what makes you happy and go for it. You matter and do not let your husband get in the way. Like I said I would love to chat more and help you. Keep in touch with me and I will help anyway I can. I can just be there for whenever you need me. I am on everyday. Take care and one day at a time.
    momindiana

    Answer by momindiana at 3:04 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • i have to say, i agree with the first poster...i think you are in the wrong on this one. i've been on medical leave from my job as i have had multiple surgeries and chemo this year...i hurt so much i didnt want to live and was so tired i had to have help getting to the bathroom and the cancer only made the depression i've had for years worse. but now that chemo is over, eventhough part of the muscle has been cut out of my leg and i still get very tired, i have picked up a part time job and do EVERYTHING around the house because thats what my family needs me to do. my SO works full time in a very stressful job to help take care of us, so i would feel guilty if our home was not a place for him to relax when i'm here most of the day. i get tired, my leg hurts like hell no matter how much morphine i take, i'm chronically depressed...but i do what i have to do each day because i love my family.
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 4:24 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • Been through the same thing and in fact it spiraled to the point where I up and left everything for 8 months. I'm home now and I can't say things are great, the biggest fights are over sex. I also feel like all I am to him is a sex toy and a maid. I work full time (always have) he had problems keeping a job and never had one that provided insurance. I took care of my boys, I was the one doing the appointments, taking off work to take them, carting them around to everything, helping with homework, making dinner, cleaning house...etc... while he was out with friends. I was tired of being unappreciated, everything just seemed to be expected. I was tired of trying to make him happy and while I love my husband I'm not "in love" with him. We've been working on things since I've been on meds and home, but its an every day struggle. I lost myself, trying to find me and fix a relationship is hard work, but it can be done.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 4:47 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I've found that when my husband actually helps around the house, then I'm more inclined to have sex with him (even then thoh its only once a month or every two months). So maybe somehow hint to your husband about that. ..like "It just wears me out right now cleaning up after dinner, doing the dishes, getting the kids to bed, and throwing in that last load of laundry..I'm really too tired to be in the mood" He might get the hint.

    Yes your meds may help things, but you and your husband need to talk. A lot people don't understand how bad depression can affect you. ..especially those who have never been depressed before. You do the best you can, if it isn't good enough for him...maybe you need to rethink things. A husband should be caring, understanding, and helpful when you don't feel well mentally or physically...thats the "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" part you both agreed to.
    Anne6633

    Answer by Anne6633 at 12:09 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

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