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My 4 yr old seems out of control. i need suggestions to help?

I have 4 children-ages 14, 10, 4, and 2. I use timeout and extra chores for discipline. in extreme cases for the 2 oldest grounding. It's been very successful with 3 of them but my 4 yr old seems to be especially angry and out of control. Almost everyday after preschool she has complete temper tantrums and meltdowns over nothing. i have talked to the teacher and there don't appear to be probs there. she is a perfect student. I don't know if shes just tired or what. Everyone tells me it's a phase but i feel helpless. Any advice with this type of prob would be appreciated. Thanks.

Answer Question
 
momo4218

Asked by momo4218 at 5:09 PM on Nov. 9, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Oh no.. my son just turned 3 and I see my future,,, :(
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:14 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • My third son did the same thing. The tantrums were terrible and his favorite throwing all the books of his shelf. I was so concerned I took to the pdoc. She said it seemed he was suffering from middle child anxiety. He was still in diapers when I had my youngest son. The older he got it tapperd off.
    aitson

    Answer by aitson at 5:20 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • ST. JOHNSWORT
    REDSTARMOM

    Answer by REDSTARMOM at 5:29 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • Is the school day too long for her? Is her birthday on the edge for being the youngest in her class and possibly should be held back a year? Is she getting enough one on one time with you and DH? Have you and your DH asked her what is bothering her? Just ideas...........
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 6:48 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I am not sure what to say but I hope you find an answer that will help you. I just wanted to say sorry you are having a rough go of it!
    Peajewel

    Answer by Peajewel at 11:58 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • My cousin was out of control as a small child, and it turns out that she was super sensitive to different types of foods. I.E. she had a can of soda and kicked down the sliding glass door. So maybe check out that option?

    It's also possible that maybe she isn't sleeping well? Or maybe is being overwhelmed by stimuli that you wouldn't normally pick up on. I would talk with her Pedi.
    ethans_momma06

    Answer by ethans_momma06 at 1:56 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Is she hitting a growth spurt? If so, she might need a little nap every now and then, and maybe and extra snack during the day. =)
    WhitneyMommyOf2

    Answer by WhitneyMommyOf2 at 2:03 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • The 'perfect child' thing is probably the issue.

    It's never the kids who vent their stress all day who freak out completely. In a way, you can take it as a compliment: she trusts you enough to 'let go' of all of what she's been holding in all day, in her efforts not to be killed (really --I'll explain in a second) at school.

    School is a tremendously stressful experience for a lot of people, young and old. When you're 4, you have an innate sense of your own vulnerability --and the need to retain the allegiance of the people in charge, often at a high personal cost. It may not be intentional, on the part of the adults there (and then again, they may be well aware of it), but fear is a very effective tool for controlling other people's children. Some kids don't notice much, and others are terrified and believe if they don't go along (please everyone in charge) they will be killed.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 2:13 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • besides what others said: perhaps she needs an healthy afternoon snack and a nap right after school? a lot of tantrums are avoided by feeding them and getting them enough sleep.
    onyxravnos

    Answer by onyxravnos at 2:46 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • My first thought, as with another poster, is a growth-spurt. She's four and heading into a HUGE one. That being said, it could be that she's hungry and/or tired. Maybe a nap, or a snack that'll fill her up would help. Also, my 3 1/2 year old gets easily agitated outside the food/sleep issue...I finally got her to tell me what was wrong and she told me her "knees" and started rubbing them. I guess her joints were hurting her due to a growth spurt and she didn't know how to vocalize it. I gave her some pain reliever (a half dose) and massaged her legs and arms...it seemed to help a little. Good luck, don't lose faith!
    mainemusicmaker

    Answer by mainemusicmaker at 5:35 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

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