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How can I ease frustration with my husband?

For the past few months I've really felt like my husband's mom. I'm slightly ashamed to admit that I feel like my husband is useless...he's not handy, he get's frustrated easily and just gives up, I do most everything around the house. Lately I've felt as though he's not needed. I don't like that I feel this way but I feel like I surpass him in a lot of ways. I tell him my needs and for the short term he seems enthusiastic, but then easily goes back to "as long as his things are ok that's all that matters." I know a lot of what I'm feeling is nit-picky but at the moment I can't help it. I hate that he never puts things back the way that he finds them. I typically do the laundry and when I do it I take time to fold his clothes and put them away. When he does it he does his clothes and then just leaves my clean clothes in a pile for me to fold and put away. HELP!! I'm going crazy and would love to chat about this.

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hljones

Asked by hljones at 9:36 PM on Nov. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (122 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Take a deep breath, and honestly all I can say is put it as simple as possible to him..this is what I need to change or were NOT going to make it....I have found that it truly helps to give him examples when he does things that makes my skin crawl (not too much) but im like...THAT right there when hes in the act..and I tell him why I dont like it...so there is NO guessing game at all..sounds gripey and maybe bitchey some times...but there is no misunderstanding...it has helped our communication!!! I would try that...
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 9:40 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I know how you feel ... my husband has days where he's very helpful, fixes things and truly is "the man of the house". Sadly those days are few and far between. Most often it's my kids & I who do it all.
    In hubby's defense, he's a trucker and is gone M-F, only home weekends and spends that time with me & the kids. So I guess for us, it's "even" ... doesn't make me like it, and I truly wish he'd do more like he used to, but it's a compromise I've learned to live with.
    I hope things get better for you.
    MoonStruckMom

    Answer by MoonStruckMom at 9:41 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • my hubby does one better he will wash his clothes and the kids and leave mine saying i don't know how do your clothes
    or the other thing is he rip a wall leave it for yr come back to say may be i should get this done,while he pass the couch then falls a sleep .yes i have done the wall
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 9:46 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • Honey compared to me your lucky he once in while do his own clothes. I do all the house work or the place will be unlivable. I tried on severly occasions to just not clean up after anyone (kind of a protest) didn't work. It seems I'm the only who cares about living conditions. One time some how a dirty sock ended up on the ceiling fan. I left it there thinking that my 6'3 husband would see it and get it down.WRONG it stayed for at least a month or more. I was determind not to be the one to take it down. I know it didn't take him month to see it, but took a month for him to realize I wasn't going to. When you figure this one out please post it!
    aitson

    Answer by aitson at 9:49 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I work full time and my husband is a stay-at-home dad. My husband helps out by cooking and making sure that the kids are well fed. and sometimes he will clean. I should feel like the luckyest women alive but i do not. Yes, he is a wonderful father, but as a husband, he is extremely disconnected. I feel like we are roomates who share the kids. I look forward to the kids falling asleep so that he and i can have quality time but he just wants to watch TV. the weekends i try to catch up on family time and schedule family outings (which he dreds) and he just wants to go play pool with his friend! I am frustrated too. after months of fighting, I gave up.
    alejandra559

    Answer by alejandra559 at 12:29 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • With my dh, it doesn't matter if I blow up when he did something frustrating or if I waited until I could calmly discuss it.It always comes down to 'why is such a big deal to you?' or 'you don't have to get so snappy about it' or my all time favourite, 'I can not do anything right.' as he stomps off and pouts for rest of the day and into next week. It can make the air feel so grey and oppressing. I've tried the work stoppage, and I got buried in laundry. I tried to assign household chores / tasks / duties and I'm doing his because I can not wait for him to take the garbage out, it over flowed. I can not even get a Sunday cleaning day out of him! It's a fight to get him to change a diaper. He gets major tude! Sometime it's not worth all the negativity he puts off. As long as I leave him alone to do anything we could all rot and he'd not notice. I don't get it.
    isabellalecour

    Answer by isabellalecour at 7:29 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • ARe you my husband? No seriously some relationships are like this. Half of the couple does all the work. I d k what to tell you but nagging will not help.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 10:25 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Thank you for all of your responses. It's been a rough couple of days for me because I have been trying to figure out how I can just let some of these things go and move on ... I hadn't been very successful until last night. The past few days my husband has been asking me what is wrong. I had been hesitant to tell him all along because I didn't want to nag and then have it turn into an argument. Last night however he asked again and then we had a really nice talk about the things that were bothering me. I feel quite lucky actually because he was very receptive to the things I had to say and took responsibility for them. I feel so much better just having talked about it. I could tell my husband genuinely felt bad and he said he was going to keep working on it because it wasn't fair to me. I'm so glad I can come on here and vent. It's really nice to get feedback. Thanks again!
    hljones

    Comment by hljones (original poster) at 12:17 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

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