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3 Bumps

What do I do now?

My husband told me tonight that every problem we have in our life right now - finances, home repairs, homework for school, parenting, etc - is entirely my fault. He said that he could not care less about spending time together and that he prefers to be alone anyways. And he said that I shouldnt care so much and to get a life.

All of this was in response to: Ive missed you lately. (because we havent seen each other a whole lot in the past few weeks)

So my question is, what do I do now? Because I am pretty much feeling like I dont matter, and if I do it's only as a person to blame everything on.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:28 AM on Nov. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Totally unfair of him to say that. There's no way its all your fault. Not possible. He needs to take some responsibility for any problems that concern you both. If he really doesnt want to be there for you then I would tell him to take a hike. I bet you can do a better job by yourself without having him around to say awful stuff.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Sounds almost exactly like what I have told my SO recently, only I spoke the truth to him because it IS all his fault. I do not know your situation, so I have no clue if he is correct or not. I also prefer to be alone or rather with our son than him, he is horrible and very ignorant to what he is doing to our family. I have voiced how much I miss the old him MANY times and it is never acknowledged, other than to turn the blame back to me although he is the one in the wrong! IDK what to say, wish I could help. Sounds like the two of you need counseling just like we do, but we cannot afford it. Good luck!!

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 1:41 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • you are not SUPERWOMAN do your best and if he's still complaining leave him he doesn't deserve you. GL

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 1:43 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Time to make some big decisions about your future. But, don't make them until you have consulted with a church and a social worker. Make sure to ask for unbiased and practical advice, especially if talking with the church. I don't personally have the upmost faith in prayer, especially when the Bible says that not even prayer can change the will of man.

    I don't believe that any man can be 100% trusted.

    Answer by BlueSaphire at 1:45 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • i told my so the same thing, thats exactly how i feel, hed rather buy a game for his xbox & not pay our auto insurance, or buy 2 games & waste the gas money then goes& borrows from my family. i dont know your situation as well but if this is what he is feeling towards you& there is nothing you can do to change his mind then id leave him, i mean yes do try to talk it out in a right way& if he still feels that way then you know what you have to do, gl.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Wow, he sounds a lot like my husband!! I am at a point where I am sick of hearing how everything is my fault, how I need to stop bugging him to spend time with me and out son, how he likes his alone time (but whenever he has alone time he wants to spend it out with his friends). It sounds like it is time for you to make a decision, just like I am having to. I am currently writing a list. My pros and cons list. No one can tell you what to do or how to feel, but you don't need to take that crap! If you are soooo horrible (in his opinion) why is he with you? This is the question I have posed to my husband and he can't come up with an answer! Just try and put everything into perspective. People go through hard times, maybe your husband was having a really bad day and he really doesn't feel that way. He shouldn't say stuff like that to you, ever, but maybe he really doesn't mean it.

    Answer by ILoveCade at 1:54 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Wow..i know the feeling. I feel im blamed for EVERYTHING

    Answer by HaRlEiGhSmOmMa at 2:20 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Omg...did you snatch my DH? He says the same things at times. I stand my ground! That is the only way he will actually change his perspective! First I ask for specific issues he's upset about so I can address it. (Who knows maybe I am doing something) I tell him that I care about his feeling but that I deserve someone who wants to be around me. I point out that he is not perfect either. It takes him forever but he eventually comes around. I have found that he gets like that when he is very stressed out and feels backed in a corner. He looses perspective on things. It takes time to get him back on track. Good luck with yours! Why we pick difficult men, I will never know! I guess someone has to love them!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:57 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • thank you all for the advice...our son is going to my moms for the night tonight, and I hope that we will be able to sit down and talk things out, at least a little. this isnt the first time hes made me feel this way, and I have stood my ground before and actually walked out. It took that for him to see what he was doing, and then things were good...for about 6 months and he would return to his old ways again. I appreciate all the comments and help :)

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:55 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Oh crap my husband tells me that crap too. I have been married for 25 years. I think it is that he feels guilty for trying to work hard and can't seem to balance that out. My husband is funny he told me once he expects some sort of yelling at him, work, me, finances (screaming pay me) and if every thing is not pulling him then something is wrong. So perhaps that is what your man is feeling. When mine is feeling this way I try to do extra nice things for him.
    Duh sometimes they do want to be away from us. No kidding.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 10:10 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

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