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2 Bumps

what to do when two parents dont agree?

Our daughter is 6months old and doesn't exactly sleep through the night. We have talked with our doctor on ways to help us but her dad seems to do these suggestions all at once instead of slowly. For example, she still wakes up for through the night feedings and doesn't sleep in her crib. I think its too traumatic to take all those away at once. I am very fond of the "sears" method and heseems to follow the "ferber" method. This is my first baby, its his third. He keeps saying "well this is what worked for the other two". Just because it worked for them doesn't mean it will for this one. I am not looking for anyoone to tell me what's right or wrong because everyone has there thoughts and opinions. I'm looking for advice to compromise because what he wants to do makes me uncomfortable as a new mom, and what I want to do just doesn't work for him anymore. How can we get a solution to what's best for all of us at night?

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StellasMommy429

Asked by StellasMommy429 at 6:38 AM on Nov. 10, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Ouch that is a tough one....... Try to have a honest talk to him, and explain that you feel that way because is your first baby!!.. Good luck to you!
    Monica655

    Answer by Monica655 at 6:45 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • There are some children who won't sleep thru the night no matter what you do. My oldest didn't sleep through the night until he was 4 years old.
    That being said, you need to have this discussion when it's not the middle of the night. Talk to him about how you understand that something may have worked with his older children, but as you were not there, you didn't have a decision in this and that child is yours and you need to work together on how you are going to attack this problem and any further issues. Make a plan, then in the middle of the night, when you are both tired and cranky, gently remind him of the agreement if you need to. Good luck!
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:45 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Nothing can be based on what the other babies did. Each child is individual. And depending on the age of the others he may not be remembering it exactly. There are plenty of babies who are waking up for feedings well into their first year. Would your husband be willing to read a couple of books or look at some websites that talk about the frequency of night time feedings? Getting the baby used to her crib would only take a few nights if that would be the compromise. Does she use it for her naps?
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 6:49 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • She doesn't use it for naps as she wakes up as soon as she is moved. She seems to uneasy or maybe even scared when she is in it because she cries the whole time she is in it. I don't like to let her cry it out. I don't think that its the best thing for her to cry and cry for long periods of time. That's where some of the issue comes in, he wants her to cry it out/self soothe. Like I said, maybe it worked for his other two, but my maternal instict tells me that her crying it out isn't what's best.
    StellasMommy429

    Comment by StellasMommy429 (original poster) at 6:54 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • It's really tough when you each support a different method. I'm sorry you are in this stressful situation. If the baby is in your room or sleeping with you the best compromise might be for your husband to get a good set of earplugs. It's simple and easy.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:09 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Tell him exactly what you told us, this is your first and you have that mom intuition that he lacks, explain the stress this is causing you.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:00 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I do agree with your husband but I know you want to hear about compromise. It does not sound as if either of you is willing. He wants to try a whole new routine and you don't. Well what about baby steps. You do need to let her cry it out sometimes but after 10-15 minutes soothe her. She needs to learn now or you are going to have a heck of a time later. He does have experience, perhaps you could ask him what one thing is he would change about her routine and try it together.
    BluDog

    Answer by BluDog at 8:14 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Who does the feeding in the night? I would tell him that if he wants to do things exactly the way he did with his fist two, then he should go back to their mother. You are different and you may not agree with the things that they did and when you don't agree, that's fine she is your and your husbands baby and he needs to realize it.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 8:30 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • My DH wanted to sleep train and I wasn't comfortable with it. Our compromise was to deal with the combination crib sleeping/co-sleeping part of each night until I was comfortable letting HIM start a sleep training process--which ended up being around 10 months because none of us were sleeping well anymore, including my DS. I just cried at first and he wouldn't let me go in the room those first few days, but he went in there every few minutes to comfort him and rub his back (he just didn't pick him up). After a few rough nights, it actually started working well and I was able to be more comfortable practicing it during the day at nap time too. Just talk it out, and try to come up with something you're both willing to try--or like we did delay changes for a while until you think she's old enough. Good luck!
    pam19

    Answer by pam19 at 9:23 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • for me, both have to agree for baby to be in bed....that is his space too, his place to be with you and you with him, if one doesn't want baby in bed, baby stays out.

    Since he is more of a CIO kind of guy, maybe you can try something that isn't Ferber, for a set time frame....4 weeks maybe. If it doesn't seem to be working then you can try his way for 4 weeks
    mom2queenie2004

    Answer by mom2queenie2004 at 1:13 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

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