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2 Bumps

Do you think I over reacted or am I justified ?

My son came home from school and said that he needed to go next door to his grandparents because he needed money to buy a video game that he was on a waiting list for and the game cost $70. He came back with $20 from grandma and $20 from grandpa. Then my husband comes home and realized we did not have enough money in the checking account so he goes to me I'll be right back and then I said where are you going next door again? He flipped and said what do you want me to tell you I have to put money back into the checking account. Meanwhile he spent $80 on chicken that was on sale half price and so this vicious cycle begins where he kisses a@@ to his parent s and I feel like a complete zero. They boss him around and I feel I have no control over any money issues. I called up my mom and cried my head off and told her everything.I know my husband heard the conversation and since then he is very quiet towards me. Right or wrong?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:07 AM on Nov. 10, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • I don't think you over reacted at all. Now that you talked with your mom it sounds like the 2 of you need to have a serious talk about finances. It does not sound like he is very reponsible about money.

    Answer by MooNFaeRie30 at 6:24 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • You want more input?
    I'm sorry, but being 44 and having been out of the workforce for 15 years is NOT an excuse, you absolutely can get a job, and you should get one, immediately, if for no other reason than to show your husband and son that in this world, people WORK for what they have. If you don't get out there and give it 100%, you are no better than they are.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 8:59 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I think once two people are married they should be discussing where the money gets spent, what the budget is, etc. The parents should step back and let the couple solve their own problems. I also feel that you should be deciding if your son runs next door for money. He could put the game on his Christmas wish list. These are hard habits to break, I know, especially if they have been going on for a long time. You and your husband have to agree on these things.

    Answer by elizabr at 8:14 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Sit down and talk with your in-laws if they are really so nice and respectful. Tell them it disappointed you that your son acted like that. While it may take a while to find a job in this economy, Christmas is coming and this is a great time to get your foot in the door at a store. You can also try temp agencies; some employers like to "try before they buy" in this economy. I think a job would be great for your self esteem as well as your cash flow.

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 9:16 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • So you're mad he bought FOOD?

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 8:10 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • No. I don't like the fact he goes next door for money and now his son is learning the same bad lessons.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:13 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • gulfcoastmom4@ there were other issues there. I think the chicken isn't as much of an issue as the fact that her hubby keeps asking her in-laws for money which allows them to have a say in their son's life.

    No, you didn't overreact. I think that when he heard you cry he either realized how much it affected you or was upset that you shared it with your mother. Is he usually passive aggressive like this? You need to let a day pass before you bring it up to him and see what's going on in his head.

    Answer by Vero0724 at 8:16 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Yes, Vero0724. He is passive agressive to our money problems. I react and take it personally as a failure . He will not react and then if confronted it is always my falut that I feel so bad and negative and that he is doing his best meanwhile he gambles and goes out once a week with his father and firneds and I just sit at home trying to save money and have been told over and over how I amot qualified for a job and not office material anymore being out of the workforce for 15 years. Stores don't hire me I am 44, and it is humiliating when my son is starting to act the same way....

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:24 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • What you did was vent to your mother. Now that you've got the initial emotions of anger and frustration vented, you need to sit down and talk to your husband about budget, money, etc. Money is the number one issue in marriages that break apart. You have to come up with an agreement that if you are spending over a certain amount (say $50) that you will get approval from each other first. And that your son needs to learn how to earn money not just run to grandma and grandpa for money. He should never have put himself on a waiting list for a video game if he didn't have the money.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:24 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • He had a check for $30 but could not cash it so that is why he put himself on a waiting list. THis is the first time my son has done this but I will make it his last......

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:26 AM on Nov. 10, 2010