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3 Bumps

How can I be single after being married for 5 years?

I decided to seprate from my husband because i don't love him anymore. He is a good dad but bad husband who emotionally abuses me. He is trying to prove that he will change to be the person I want him to be but I don't believe it. He will not change. I can't take it and I am so scared to be by myself but i don't want to be in a relationship when I am unhappy. My family is in California but I am stationed in pensacola due to military. He is deciding to get out of service to move wherever I move. It may get worse for me. Please help with any advice. Thank You so much.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:26 AM on Nov. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Well he may be able to change. But good for you for not putting up with it. You can make it your teaching your children that it is not healthy to have this kind of relationship. My mother stayed with my father who was like that for 30 years. I do see the toll it plays on a woman. Get some therapy hopefully he will too. Or take him with you.
    People can change. I am not telling you to stay with him what I am telling you is that you need to do the work on your self and he does also. Good luck honey.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 9:36 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • You will learn to be single the same way you learned to do anything else big and worthwhile in your life. Like parenthood. You just jump in and start kicking. Eventually, you find out that you can swim. My two bff's have gone through this recently. PLEASE don't wait as along as they did. (10 years of a bad marriage!! Yikes!) One friend just finally moved out on her own and is having difficulty with her job as she is under so much stress and pressure outside of work. The other's business isn't doing well, she had blown through a lot of money after separation, and she's declaring bankruptcy. But they are coping. They are continuing. This is to say, shit will happen. It will get scary. But you will pull through. I'd rather live in a tent by myself than in a mansion with an emotionally abusive husband. You can do this.
    Airamana

    Answer by Airamana at 9:40 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • After 5 years and a military career you dont think he deserves a chance to get some help and work on himself to be a better man for you? You have commitment issues
    imuney

    Answer by imuney at 9:48 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Stick to your guns. I've left mine twice and although he has changed his behavior some, his attitude about life has never changed. He still sees the glass half empty, he blames me for everything, he doesn't understand my basic needs and can be rather cruel when stressed. I love him to death and he's an excellant father but not a good partner. I'm in 15 years 3 kids and a mortgage deep. Time sure does fly and you deserve better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I'm facing the same thing after 20 years together plus my cheated. I don't want to be hear but can't seem to work my way out.
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 9:51 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • maybe he is getting the hint that you wont take him the way he is. tho this is who you married(shouldnt need to change) unless he changed afterward.. anyway the point is.. you dont lke how he treating you.. therefore he may be willing ot stop treating you this way.. but if you are past fixing the marriage.. i would suggest telling him like this.... its like a switch i put up with it for so long the switch went to off no longer any feelings for you at all in that way. it was on and now permanently off.. sorry
    Ross2010

    Answer by Ross2010 at 10:52 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • You sound like me but honestly, I have moved on. There will be moments of sadness, unsure of things, etc. But there will be moments of sanity, feeling like YOURSELF again, and knowing you did the right thing for you and your child/ren. It took me a year to decide to divorce my ex and I was so afraid of the unknown. Now, I'm so much happier and myself again.

    He was not military though, but we were married 6 years with one 5 year old child. He was also very emotionally and verbally abusive to us. I couldn't continue watching him do that to my child and how it was affecting him...and me.

    Good for you, take care of YOU because you and your child need you to.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 11:19 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Do not worry so much about being single, just take some time for you and do what you want and need.
    jshimmy

    Answer by jshimmy at 4:46 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I did it after being married 16 years. Same type of thing, good father, terrible husband. I was never good enough, never pretty enough, never skinny enough, never did things the right way, etc. Took me 4 years to make my decision to leave, I would literally take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle and write down (every single day for those 4 years) the reasons why I had to and why I couldn't go through with it. Wasn't an easy decision, but it was the best decision I've ever made. Best of luck to you with yours.
    KimPippin

    Answer by KimPippin at 7:05 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

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