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Am I overreacting??

My DH and I have been together for 7 years. Our problems started Valentine's Day before we got married. This past August I finally called it quits because I couldn't take the lies anymore. We were separated for 2 weeks (yeah, big whoop). During those 2 weeks, I slept with someone and I admitted I was horribly wrong. Those 2 weeks, he decided to start hanging out with one of my girlfriends. He spent the night at her house 3 times, would go out almost every night to the bar with her and her friends and they would text and talk all day long. He said they were ONLY friends. The night before we got back together, he made plans with her to hang out and she blew him off, so he came to my house to "work things out." The next day (we were together), he talked to her about where she went and now he knows where he stands. Was there something more than friends with them? I am so confused about this and can't trust him!

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flessard

Asked by flessard at 10:01 AM on Nov. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (47 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Sounds like more than friends but you never know. Maybe they were just hanging out.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 10:02 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • From my experience he was more than friends with her. I went thru the same situation. I did what u did and he did the same but with none of my friends. He did with another co worker when we split. We got back together and worked things out. But it was hard for both us to trust again. If u truely love him, and if he truely wants to work on it, you both have to come clean on what happened when u were split. it will hurt to hear what hppened but that is the only wy to start witha clean slate. no secrets.
    sovis05

    Answer by sovis05 at 10:06 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • The lying has been an issue for a very long time from his end. This was the first time I have ever slept with someone else and I feel so ashamed about it. I know I was wrong. He has looked on Craigslist for the past year for 3somes, etc and said that was his way of looking at porn without actually looking at it. I always had to find it for him to admit to it though and sometimes that wasn't even enough for him to confess. Because of the problems, I don't love him the way I used to. I never lied to him about what I did. I have always been open and honest with him about everything. Every time we would get into an argument, he would tell me he would change and cry and whatnot, but nothing ever changed...it got worse. Now, I am having a hard time believing him.
    flessard

    Comment by flessard (original poster) at 10:12 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • problems started before you married
    you slept with someone when apart from husband for less than two weeks
    he was hanging with YOUR girlfriend, texting and talking all day
    sleeping at her house
    she blows him off, next day he is at your door, and you two are "together"
    and your question is???
    you say that you are confused... i am confused,
    YES..HE SLEPT WITH HER, YES YOU SLEPT WITH SOMEONE
    and YOU CAN NOT TRUST HIM???
    does he know you were screwing around too?

    YIKES!
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:12 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • He has looked on Craigslist for the past year for 3somes, etc and said that was his way of looking at porn without actually looking at it. I always had to find it for him to admit to it though and sometimes that wasn't even enough for him to confess
    ----------------------------
    he is not telling you the truth...this is NOT watching porn, this IS looking to f_ck around
    in my opinion, he is a sex addict,

    you are married to a man who lies about his sex addiction, he is actively having sex with your girl"friend" (by the way, she is NOT your friend if she "hung out" with him

    sorry, you know what he is all about, your heart wants to make excuse, your head KNOWS BETTER..listen to your head
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:16 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I agree with fiatpax. I don't think he will change. THe evidence is right there. I'm sure it ishard to believe t but you cant be in denial for your won safety. Go live in peace without him!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 10:20 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Fiatpax hit the nail on the head. If you and he split up and he is hanging out with your girlfriend, she is not your girlfriend and also him staying at her house 3 nights, going out with her and texting/talking all day - he was after more and certainly got it when he stayed over with her. You guys need to call it quits for good. He is looking to move on and using you as an alternative choice and that is not fair to you because you are obviously looking to move on as well.
    DawnaRae

    Answer by DawnaRae at 10:22 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I always had a gut feeling that something wasn't right. The year that we dated was amazing. But yes, I know he has a sex problem but it was only with porn. That was our issue for the past 6 years. I was raised a lot different and porn was forbidden in our house and I never attempted to look at it because I have my own views. We went to marriage counseling and nothing changed. That's when the Craigslist stuff came into play. I have held on hoping that one day it would all end...and maybe it has NOW but because of the lying and hiding things before, I am having the hardest time trusting him or believing him. My family raised me in church and I don't want to hurt him (even though I did) but I can't take it anymore. My head gets the better of me and I don't know how to control it anymore.
    flessard

    Comment by flessard (original poster) at 10:22 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • My head gets the better of me and I don't know how to control it anymore.
    -------------------
    your head is the one that should be calling the shots now, your heart is not the one to listen to right now, your heart will make excuse for him, will look at the good times and ignore the bad etc

    ask yourself this...if a good friend (not the one you spoke of in post) but if a real friend was in this situation - what would you advise her to do...this is your answer. Do you have a girl child? would you ever want her to be in a relationship like this??

    you deserve better, do not beat yourself up about the slip of a one night stand, he is not on craigslist to LOOK AT PORN, he is seeking out sex partners, leave him, have every test on the books for STD, and be happy. when you are feeling sad, and want to listen to your heart, make a list of all the crappy stuff he has done, read it, reread it, when all things in front of you ..
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:39 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • when all things in front of you at once, you will not be able to listen to your heart and make excuses
    excuses for him is easy when you are spoon fed each action,
    but all actions together will be impossible to swallow

    does this make sense?

    good luck, you deserve better than to be committed to a man who is actively looking for other sex partners AND sleeping with your "friend"

    PS
    drop the "girlfriend" too- you deserve better friends too
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:41 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

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