Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Has anyone else experienced this?

The normal type of cheating that I hear or read about is where the wife finds out after it has happened. In my case, I found out he was associating with this women within three days of him meeting her and he hadn't slept with her yet. He swore he was sorry and that he loved me and that this would stop immediately...well guess what, he thought he was smarter than me and continued it till her slept with her and even bought another cell phone so he could continue the relationship without me know (or so he thought). I never heard of a man cheating in this way so I'm wondering if anyone else busted their husband before the fact and they still went ahead with it? And what does this mean in term of what he really thinks or feels for me?


Asked by ShouldHaveLeft at 10:39 AM on Nov. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Level 23 (16,621 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • From what I gather, this is pretty common.....when you caught him, he had already made the decision to have the affair.....he also either wanted to get caught, or was so caught up in it at that point, lied to himself that he wouldn't get caught.....or even may have intended to break it off but didn't have the self-discipline to resist temptation....he was only thinking of himself, and may even have convinced himself that you were being mean to him for denying him his "right" to make his own's really weird how we can lie to ourselves so well when we are that self-centered....I'm so sorry this happened to didn't deserve deserved to be loved, honored, and cherished by a man who loves you more than himself.....

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • means he is a liar and has no respect for you and could care less if you found out bc he went ahead with it. kick him to the curb with his "hidden" affair/cell phone he isnt worth it.

    Answer by Ross2010 at 10:42 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I agree with Ross2010. He's no good and you'll never be able to trust him again because everything out of his mouth is a lie. Get rid of this loser and let his mistress deal with his homeless butt.

    Answer by an-apple-a-day at 10:46 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • You already know the answer to your questions. It means he is more concerned with his own pleasure and satisfaction then in your feelings and marriage. I hope you can find the courage to do what you already know what must be done. There is no "normal" type of cheating. It takes on many different forms. Don't let yourself be a victim.

    Answer by Brandym3c at 10:47 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • It means if you stay with him you are in for heartache over and over again. He is going to continue to lie to you. It's best to get rid of him now and move on. Ask him to go to counceling with you, I'm betting he won't do it. And if he won't do it, then that means he doesn't want to change, and you aren't important enough to him to want to make this work. You should go for yourself though. It can be very helpful.

    Answer by SweetLuci at 10:48 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Yeah I heard of this. He has no respect for you. Once he has told you he's not seeing her anymore, he is. He'll go back even if it's just for the sex.

    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 10:49 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Well...this happened last year and I haven't caught him in any of those behaviors again. Also, I scared the women off and he swears this will never happen again but are you all telling me that since he doesn't give a shit about me, he'll do it over and over again?

    Comment by ShouldHaveLeft (original poster) at 10:53 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • not uncommon

    IF you think someting is going on - do not "talk to him"
    he is only going to lie better
    lay low and find out facts
    "talking" to a cheater makes them be a better cheater

    and yes, in almost all situations (not all but almost all) once a cheater always a cheater
    hope your relationship is the exception, but do not count on it, be prepared and leave, IF he is the exception, he will show you through his actions- he will fight to get you back, he will let you be mad until you are not, and he will understand that this could take a very very looooong time.

    feel for you, been there- done that. my ex was a cheater, and YES he cheated again, and he got better at hiding it

    Answer by fiatpax at 11:11 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Agree with first responder. He lied to you more than once and completely disregarded your marriage vows and disrespected you. He'd be gone if it were me.

    Answer by rio_burb at 11:12 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I just read your update. If this was a year ago, you've already shown him you're ok with his behaviors by accepting him back. So not really sure what you're asking here. Do YOU feel like he is in love with you or do you feel his attention or affection may be elsewhere?

    Answer by rio_burb at 11:13 AM on Nov. 10, 2010