Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Was this my fault? adult content

I have been carrying around so much quilt. This happened many years ago, but there are times I start thinking about it. I just think what if I had done things different. I was a 14 yr old girl and a 27 yr old man told me I was beautiful, sexy and he was so in love with me, so yes like a naive 14 yr old girl. I slept with him and ended up pregnant. My mother said abortion was my only choice. The guy who got pregnant took off, he went to another state. I remember this being one of the hardest times in my life. I was called a whore a slut, trash. I could go on and on. This has just bothered me for so many yrs now. I am now a grown married woman with a husband who loves me and I know this. I just wonder how someone can walk into your life turn it upside down and walk away? Was getting his jolly's really worth hurting me? This is bothering me today, sorry. Please don't bash me, I feel bad enough.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on Nov. 10, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • No, it wasn't your fault. You were a child! This asshole should have been hunted down and sent to prison for being a pedophile. You did nothing wrong, remember that:)

    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 10:54 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Was getting his jolly's really worth hurting me.............the answer is YES
    HE is a child sexual predetor! he did this, you were a child!

    if you were advising a 14 yr old girl (as the adult you are now) what would you say
    i bet you would be shocked that a grown "man" could do this, I bet you would comfort her in her feelings of guilt, I bet you would have nothing but warm things to say to this young girl, i bet you would say this man should be in jail and the girl was not at fault but raped byt this "man" and you would be right..... NOW, listen to this adult woman saying this to your inner child.

    AGAIN, be the grown adult and talk to your inner child, calm her, comfort her, let her know you are there for her - may sound kind of new age weird, but just try it, fins a quiet place and be BOTH the adult and the child

    bless you
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 11:01 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Sweety....You are okay!!! I know this has to be hard on you , but please remember that you are a stronger person now and you were a child. That man should have known better than to prey on a young girl such as yourself, but I bet you were not the first or the last. Hopefully he has landed himself in jail and has to report himself as a sex offender. Honey you have nothing to worry about, I want you to pray to Jesus and release this situation....LET IT GO!!!! Give it to God and get it off your shoulders. This will affect your life now including your marriage and the relationship you have with your children.....let it go and feel the weight being lifted off of you! I will pray for you right now to be at peace with your past and to not carry any baggage into your future. I am here if you need someone to just vent to, sometimes it's easier to talk to people you don't know. Good Luck and release this.
    Conley639

    Answer by Conley639 at 11:02 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Absolutely not! You were an innocent child. You need to look at that part of yourself and forgive her. Pretend she is your own daughter and the things you would say to sooth her and let her know she is lovable and was too young to know that some people are predators. This man violated you as a child. He is the one at fault, not you. Children are just that - children and don't yet have the tools to make mature decisions. A lot of us made mistakes when we were teens but we have to learn to forgive ourselves.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 11:52 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Oh honey please don't beat yourself up. None of this was your fault. You were raped by several people. You were young...14...him 27...that was one and then by your mother who you trusted and forced you to have an abortion if you didn't want one, that's another betrayal. Talk to someone...ur pastor...a rape support group...someone because if this has festered for all these years, it's going to continue until you get it out. Good luck and lots of hugs!!
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 10:57 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • No it wasn't your fault he should have been prosecuted for rape-you were a child. That is why it is so important for us to talk to our own children about predators and sex. I am very sorry that you had to go through that and that this many years later you are still carrying around this guilt. I really think that you should seek counseling on the matter, it is apparent that you are unable to get over by letting time pass and you don't want this to be something that drives a wedge in your own marriage. You deserve to be happy and to find a way to put it behind you.
    AshleyBishop06

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 11:01 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Oh my goodness, no! It was definitely not your fault. Don't feel bad at all. We all do stupid things when we are young and that man knowingly took advantage of that. I bet you, you were not the only one he preyed on. It's a cowardly thing for a grown man to take advantage of a naive teenager. Be happy that you moved on, grew up and married a wonderful man who loves you. That guy is not worth a second thought!
    SabrinaBean

    Answer by SabrinaBean at 11:03 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • It's not your fault that a man preyed on you as a child.
    ballewal

    Answer by ballewal at 10:55 AM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Not your fault. Someone did something to me like that minus the pregnancy part, and I was an adult. People can sometimes be complete liars and as*holes. Just learn from it and move yourself onward and upward. (((HUGS)))
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 11:14 AM on Nov. 10, 2010