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Children's clothing and exhusbands

My ex refuses to give back the clothing I send my children in when they go to his house. We have 50/50 custody & parenting time. I try not to spend a lot on clothes to begin with, so I can't get much cheaper without putting them in rags. But, I don't have the money to replace what he takes. This has been a problem since we split up. I write down what the children wear whenever they go to his house, & cross it off when it comes back. He asked about an item I didn't return, so I asked for my month long list of items that haven't been returned (he tends to keep clothing until it doesn't fit them anymore), & he says he doesn't have it, and that I am just unorganized and don't know what I'm talking about. BTW-he's a controlling, manipulative jerk, hence the divorce. Uh, no dude! I am the one that writes it all down and keeps track of it. How do I get the stuff back? My kids are 7 & 4 & I try to keep them out of it

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:26 PM on Nov. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • It should say something in your divorce decree about returning the children's belongings when visitation if over.. I know mine does.

    Answer by xxlilmomma09 at 4:29 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I would make sure to send them back in the clothes that they came home in from his house and don't send extras.

    You may as well write off what he already has.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 4:30 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • My divorce documents say nothing about clothing items. I try to send them in his clothing, but he typically holds on to so much of my stuff, that he will send them back, months later, in too small of clothing of mine. So, in order for them to have clothes to wear (that fit), I have to send them in clothing I purchase.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:37 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • This is what I would do. The kids would go to his house in what they where wearing. Nothing else. Sense you two have 50/50 custody. Let him buy cloths for them for his house. I would not allow the kids to bring anything with them, but the cloths on their back.  That would be the oldest cloths they have. The one that they are about to grow out of. If he want to act like that I would to.

    Stop sending things over ther if you know he will not return the stuff.


    Answer by louise2 at 4:39 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • If they have clothes at his house why send more? It is clearly causing conflict just let them wear what is left at his house..

    Answer by Claudiomom at 5:00 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I have to send my kids to school in clothing. I am not sending them with extra clothes. When he sends them to school or to my house, he sends them in old clothes that I purchased a long time ago that are too small, or in clothes he purchases. If it's clothes he purchases, I send them back, if not I send them in clothes I purcahse and then he doesn't give them back.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:13 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • goes both genders
    my ex has an ex wife that did this exact thing
    she would send them over in clothes way way too small
    when time to go back to her house, i would have the clothes they came in ready for them to wear back there
    the kids would complain that those clothes are way too small, i would say that they are your mothers and you showed up last week in them , you did not out grow them in a week and i am sure she would like her clothes back

    if you are not sending extra to the other house, just what they are wearing, there should not be much not coming back, make sure they wear something that the other parent got for them when they go to that house

    good luck, nothing was better then when she asked for items back, because then we could do the same, after that I made sure kids wore back cleaned clothes that they came in the week before

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:51 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I would take a picture of them when you drop them off with a time stamp. That way he can't accuse you of being "disorganized". Maybe you could ask the 7 year old to keep track of the clothes and send them a little laundry duffle bag so when they remove clothes they'll have a place to keep them. And maybe write your name in the clothes that come from your house so they're easy to identify. My thought is, I wonder if he's throwing their clothes away! Just to get at you. Perhaps only send them in what they are wearing, that way it's just one outfit. Is he sending them home in substandard clothes?

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 9:30 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • He sends them back in either clothes he purchases or stained or too small of clothing. I can't send my children to school like that, so I put them in clothes I purchase. I send them back in his clothes when I can, or in clothes I care less about, but I run out of options. We exchange a duffel bag for the clothes because he wasn't willing to put my children in the clothes I sent them in; which would make is easy. I send them there in one outfit, you send them back in that outfit, vice versa, but he won't. So, the clothes go in a duffel bag. I dress the kids in his clothes or send them back, but he doesn't. I write down everything they wear when they leave, and my initials are in all the clothes I purchase. He just says I'm unorganized & forgot to cross it off when it comes back. Yeah, 'cause it's hard to pull clothes out of a bag and cross it off! He's controlling, and I think that's why he does it.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:48 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

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