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4 Bumps

MIL Christmas drama..

This is a potential upcoming scenario, so give me your honest opinion. I have a bad feeling my MIL will fail to really recognize Christmas for our little ones this year and every year in the future. Do we buy a few things and say they are from her or just try to ignore her lack of generosity? And, no, I don' t think the holidays are soley about giving. But, I do think little ones deserve something from their grandparents. And it's not the cost, it's the thought. And she has never been one to "think" about others at all. (Their ages are now 28 months and 18 month old twins.) So before they had no clue where things were coming from. As the birthdays and holidays roll by they are going to start to notice. What do we say? AND the kicker.... These are her only grandchildren!! :(


Asked by love2snorkel70 at 4:48 PM on Nov. 10, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 18 (5,171 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • Don't take it personally if she doesn't believe in gift-giving. She might have her reasons, and you might not want to know about them...

    Don't make excuses for her or send gifts in her name. The kids will just grow up knowing that Grandma isn't into Christmas, Birthdays, etc., and it will illustrate that not everyone is built the same way.

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 7:08 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I would never buy them something and say it came from her. They might say thank you and you'd have to explain. I think they are too young to get it yet. It took my son until 3.5 to figure out MIL bought more for DD. Just say that is how she is, if they ask why she didn't by for them. Let them form their own opinion.

    Answer by dancinintherain at 4:51 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Aww, I feel for you. My MIL is absent in my kids' lives as well. However, last year she did drop by a bunch of gifts in my garage and drove off without even coming in to say hi to me or the kids. How nice of her right? Anyway, I wouldn't buy something and say it's from her. I would just not acknowledge it at all. Let them open the gifts they have and go about your day. Christmas is all about joyfulness and being together with family, and having a good time. Don't let her ruin you or your kids' day. They will grow to realize what a POS she is.

    Answer by tnm786 at 4:57 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Nope, dont do it. My kids gma has NOTHING to do with them. When her son and I were married, she still didnt. Her reason was because she knew we wouldnt last and her son wouldnt be in their lived, so why should she be? Her DD has a kid and one on the way and from what Ive heard she is a great gma to that child. But for 12 years mine were her ONLY grandkids. Kids deserve better, and she will be miserable later.

    Answer by jajumommy2000 at 5:00 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • yeah, don't give them stuff you buy from her. My parents did that for me (with only the best of intentions) and then as I got older I figured it out. I always was told that she loved me and just didn't visit cause she was sick and lived far away. I found out when I was 10 that she lived 15 min away and didn't give a damn about me, that was hard. I am lucky though, my mom's parents are great and love me enough for 2 sets of grandparents (plus more)

    Answer by JLS2388 at 7:06 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I also wouldn't buy gifts for the kids from anyone. The people that are in their lives and that they have active relationships with will be your children's "family". Our families buy for our child, but so do some cherished neighbors and friends. Those that have been along with you on your journey and know exactly how blessed you are. Gifts do not make relationships. Involvement does. Hugs! (BTW, her loss....)

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 7:52 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Well, your comment about the kids thanking her for a gift that she gave got me to you give her anything? YOU are the teacher of morals and values, Mama, and Christmas is about GIVING, not receiving. It is more blessed to give than to receive, right? Have the kids make her a macoroni mural or do those little hands and feet on a t-shirt and write out "World's Greatest Grandma" on it. Plant a seed in your MIL and see what happens. At least they are still young, and who knows? She could change, but you should make the first move. :)

    Be thankful for our parents while they are still here, they could be gone before we know it. Lost my dad this year. :(

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:40 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I never thought about the children thanking her for a gift we gave. Oops! Good points from all of you! Thanks :)

    Comment by love2snorkel70 (original poster) at 5:31 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • No way I am going to give my MIL credit for something I did for my kids. Why deceive them?


    Answer by scout_mom at 9:41 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Doodle. I am so sorry for the loss of your father. I totally agree with giving starting at home and that I should set the example. I have always been very generous and thoughtful.... I am one of those from a household of crafty, Martha Stewart, holiday loving families. She is from the mindset of takers only. She recently sent a package for the oldest ones second birthday which was only done because I asked my husband if she even realized it was coming. (That was the first gift, really. And you know my adoption story...) Ironically, at the time she was working at a gift shop and just threw some clearance things in the box for everyone but me. That is one of many instances that get me riled. But she will never know how I feel. I hear you loud and clear, but she is quite a little slice of something special. I often wonder if she isn't too excited about our adoption.... I may post about that some time in our group.


    Comment by love2snorkel70 (original poster) at 12:44 AM on Nov. 11, 2010