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I found out earlier in the week my 15 year old son is gay.

I am having a hard time with this. I am totally against this life style and dont want it to be lived under my roof in front of my other two children. Im not saying I will turn my back on my son, I will always love him and be there for him. I just will not tolerate this life style under my roof. Its just something I totally disagree with and am against. Just becuse my son is gay why should I all of a sudden change my veiws on something? Advice?

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:16 PM on Nov. 2, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (23)
  • I would approach it very carefully. Tell him that the idea is very new, and it is going to take you a LONG time to accept it, if at all. But of course, that you DO still love HIM. however, you do not want anything gay-related in the house.

    Now, of course, he's not going to see this as you loving him. And frankly, he's going to feel iniahlated (sp?) and may even try to leave. It may have been hard for him to accept that he himself was gay, and telling you was extremely difficult.
    I don't agree with it either. That's such a hard thing to deal with. I hope you can work it out and still have a decent relationship with him!

    Answer by mrseum at 6:21 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • Hmm wow that is alot to take in. I think your best bet is to just get over it becuase this is what he thinks is right for him for the time being. He is still young he might just be experimenting. You nevver know with kids these days. But if you say too much to him you might offend him and he might see that as your way of not being supportive. I really dont have much advice but good luck and try your hardest to have an open mind on things. Just becuase he is gay doesnt change the son your raised! I am sure you did a wonderfull job and by you being open with this to him you will keep that connection open. Best of Luck to you!!

    Answer by ReadyToRage at 6:21 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • That's tough. I think you need to pray about it. I think he is too young to know for sure, maybe I am wrong. I think being there for him is accepting who he is. i understand not wanting him to show affection to other boys infront of your other children, just as I wouldn't want my son making out with a girl in front of my younger kids. i think it will take some time and maybe you could consult PFLAG for help/advice.

    Answer by myboogiewoogie at 6:23 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • You shouldnt have to change your views. All I can say is do what my BFF's mom did with her son, she said if you choose this life style leave it at the door when you come into our home. You know how your mom and dad feels and please respect it. To this day, he does.

    Answer by lucandpepsmom at 6:24 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • hmm i really think you should pray about it too. I dont think telling him to "leave it at the door" is such a good idea, not right away .

    Answer by ReadyToRage at 6:34 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • sorry but praying is not going to change your sons sexuality. and telling him to suppress it is going to make him resent you. Accept who he is and love him for it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:35 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • So many parents are going through this right now. You dont have to change your views. You have to accept who he is and move on. Putting him out will not solve anything. It is who he is now. If it were me and I know how painful it can be, I would let him know that I do not agree with his lifestyle and dont not condone it however he is old enough to make decisions and live with the consequences as well as my home is to be respected and the other family members at all times. That includes him keeping his business to himself. Sometimes you have to let your children learn from their decisions otherwise they will rebel.

    Answer by VaDivaMom at 7:19 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • Um you don't have to change your views. My family didn't change theirs when I came out to them and I didn't expect them too. Some are accepting ..some are not. Oh well. Praying won't change anything. The Lord won't sprinkle happy dust on him and make him magically straight. Sorry, but people ARE born that way. You aren't "too young" to know this either. I knew from WAY younger than 15 ...just didn't "act" on it till my mid 20's because I was "pretending" to be straight for acceptance from my family and school mates.

    Love your son. Deal with it and move on. He won't change for you or for anyone else. He is who he is! He has a tough road ahead of him (sad, but true) with social acceptance, bullying, torment, and so on. The last thing you should NOT do is turn your back on him!

    Good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:19 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • you've gone 15 years with him under the roof. the only thing that has changed is that he has felt comfortable enough to tell you. He is not a different person then yesterday, or a week ago. Like the poster above said, he is going to have a difficult life. You do not have to enjoy his "lifestyle", but you can not treat him differently for his sexual orientation.

    Answer by charisma10 at 8:37 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • The house rules still stand, only the rules pertaining to girls will need to be in effect for boys. If you're really uncomfortable with the whole boyfriend thing, you can ask him to go slow with you! He might have you meet a boy away from the home and younger kids. Just love him. He's still the same kid he has always been. Remember that. Give yourself time. Talk to him, let him know you have to grieve the loss of what you expected for his life. A wife, kids, whatever. I think he'll appreciate knowing you're trying. What a hard thing to handle! God bless you and your family.

    Answer by shmorris56 at 8:49 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

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