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I dont know what to do about my 3 year old

Hi im bellah, im a single hard working mom. i work from home i work from about 8 in the am to about 6 or 7 at night sometimes later. I am engaged but we are currently living apart.I have a 3 year old boy name Aydin who is seeming to be a challenge for me, when ever i take him into a store im afraid to because he throws tantrums drops to the floor and yells and cries, ive tried to include him into the activity like when we are shopping he can help me by putting the food in the bag but the moment its over he starts , its almost to the point where im afraid to bring him with me to avoid the conflicts and avoid any negativity. he is now becoming aggressive where he is hitting me. i have to constantly call him and im constantly repeating myself. he does not listen to me. its driving me crazy. i dont want to hitt him but it seeming as if i will have to resort to spanking him, time out is not working. i dont know what to do with hi

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aydin

Asked by aydin at 8:53 PM on Nov. 10, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Is there anyone u can leave him with? If so take him to the sore again and when he does it say to him "Next time I come to the store you are going to so and so because you cannot scream and cry and kick here at the store." Then when you get ready to go to the store drop him off and remind him again. "You are staying here at so and so because I am going to the store and you did this and this last time." Then try to take him to the store again and keep repeating it until one day he finally figures out that everytime he does that he ends up not getting to go next itme.
    imuney

    Answer by imuney at 9:00 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Sounds like a typical 3yr old to me. You need to be firm and consistent. When he acts out, give him 1 and only 1 warning. If the behavior continues, leave your shopping cart/bag/basket...whatever..and walk out. You need to show him that you are the boss, that what you say goes and that crying/acting out is not acceptable.

    When he hits..you need to grab hold of him wrist, look him directly in the eyes and tell him NO!! That is not a nice way to be Mommy's friend. Make him appologize.

    At 3, they are testing their limits and seeing just how much they can get away with. You must be firm and consistent now, or you are in for trouble in the future
    Maureen-MD

    Answer by Maureen-MD at 9:02 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • He feels your frusteration thats why he acts out. Your the parent not him and he needs to know that. I found that hitting is not needed. Somewhere he as found that he can act out and nothing will happen He doesn't take you seriously. Your the boss and thats it ,no buts about it!!!! Once you believe it, he'll believe it. As for shopping, next time he acts out leave. Drop everything, dont care what anyone thinks because that's not there child and walk out. He'll soon learn that when he acts out at the store your not putting up with it and you both will leave. Dont yell, be calm, and tell him sternly that if he acts this way he will not be able to shop with mommy,
    Jenaiko01

    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 9:02 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • This will sound harsh, but I assure you it's for your own good. You need to step up and be the parent. He's starting to become the parent by dominating the situation. He's three years old and shouldn't have the upper hand. Now, don't get me wrong, I know very well about getting frustrated and losing site of what to do in that situation. However, it's important that you try to remain as calm as you can, so that you can control the situation. In a public setting it is hard to overlook the other people watching the meltdown as it happens, but it's important to remember that you and him are all that matters. You need to explain to him before going into the store what is expected of him and what behavior will not be tolerated. If he begins to meltdown tell him "John, if you continue your tantrum we are leaving the store and you will go straight to bed when we get home." if he continues the follow through.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:56 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • (Continue) Follow through. Leave the cart at the front, take him home, and put him to bed. He will soon realize that it's not any fun if mommy isn't going to meltdown with me and allow the situation to get worse. I strongly suggest not to spank him, though I understand how you can see that as your last resort. It's important though not to use physical violence to diciplin a child, as it only creates anger and resentment. Sometimes leading to the child acting out further. Time outs are a hit and miss in the kid world, but there are other ways of punishing a child. He's old enough to do chores. He's also old enough to have toys and other privliages taken away. Whatever you do, know that it will not work overnight. Even over a week in some cases. But it's important to stand your ground, follow through, and be consistant. All the best!!
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:59 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • thank you all for your advice. truly thank you
    aydin

    Comment by aydin (original poster) at 10:41 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • i will read this over and over, i see its more of diciplining myself on just how to control my emotions, i am just very overwhelmed. i truly do appreciate the advice. these post wil be my consistant reminder
    aydin

    Comment by aydin (original poster) at 10:46 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • As a single, hard-working mom of a 3 and 2-year-old, I can absolutely understand the "overwhelmed" feelings you run into.

    Honestly, this is the way a 3-year-old acts. If you're in a store and he starts throwing a tantrum, leave your cart right where it is, head to the front of the store, tell a manager where the cart is and that you have to leave (so they can put any perishables back) and LEAVE THE STORE. When he hits you, put him in the corner or in his room. No TV, no toys. If he screams and cries, let him. Do NOT acknowledge the bad behavior. It's going to be trying and difficult for you, I know....I too tried for a long time to appease my kids because I just didn't want to deal with the conflict, however, that route is only going to cause you more problems down the road. Be firm. Be consistent. Eventually he'll get the hint that hitting = punishment and tantrums = leaving the store. Kids are smart...he'll get it.
    mainemusicmaker

    Answer by mainemusicmaker at 5:59 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • i agree with mainmusicmaker... typical 3 year old acting out... set limits, stick to them. also if he behaves when involved, work with that. i have to keep both my 2 and 3 year old IN the cart and entertained... so we have THEIR shopping lists... i clip pictures out of the ads of things we need, like milk, apples, cereal, etc... i have them keep their eyes out for their items, help them find them, and complete their list... i let them help bag what is not crushable... and let them hold the change until we get to the car... they are allowed to help unload the cart and then we sit in their carseats... if they act up, we simply leave the store... if they make a whole shopping trip they get a treat, that they picked out while at the store (usually its a banana or muffin of some kind)...
    asil

    Answer by asil at 9:32 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

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