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I am Married, Pregnant and trying to survive online infidelity...advice???

I am just about to have a baby here and a couple of weeks ago I found out my husband has been engaging in multiple forms of online indescretions/infidelities for over a year now. This isn't the first time. We had worked through this once before,2 yrs ago. We also have a 3 1/2 yr old daughter and just celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary. Right after we got married this secret life began again. The past year has been hard, surviving a miscarraige took a tax on our sex life and on me emotionally and now this. I really want to try to survive this and keep our family together. He is willing and has been very humble about it all, and begging me to forgive him, though its really hard to understand his motives not to mention even look him in the eyes at times. We have no money for counseling at the moment. Anyone have any thoughts or advice or survival stories of their own? How do we rebuild?

Answer Question
 
elliseeypoo

Asked by elliseeypoo at 9:03 PM on Nov. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (15 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I have been dealing with the same thing, and it takes everything I have some days to not throw it in his face. I am incredibly angry all the time about it, and depressed because it feels like it was my fault. I logically know it wasn't, but it still hurts. This is just something you guys are going to have to talk through and decide if you are going to work it out or not.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:10 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • good thing he feels bad about it, ...but does he mean it? this is NOT the first time he has done this, so he knows how this hurts you and he does it again, and when you are about to give birth

    sorry, that must hurt hearing that, but it is the truth in what you said. He knows it hurts you and still does it, says he is sorry, then does again, Is he getting better at hiding it? Sounds like he has an addiction, low self esteem, has to get his high from strangers saying nice things to him, which means he will do this again and again until he fixes what is broken in him

    IT IS NOT YOU, NOT ANYTHING YOU HAVE DONE< AND YOU CAN NOT FIX IT
    *sorry to yell, but been there done that blame yourself thing when it is someone elses issue= this is not yours to fix, HE has to fix this, it is he that is broken

    ps
    congrates on your baby, TRY to consintrate on this baby coming, TRY not to blame yourself, love him, but not his actions
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:26 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I too have dealt with the bulls*** of online infidelity and it's taking a LOT for me to gain even an iota of trust back because he works on the computer so is on it quite often. One thing you can do is tell him give me your passwords. I can't trust you so I want to see what you're doing. I did this and even after I don't trust him totally because he could have created another account or deletes stuff as soon as he reads it, etc. I know what you're feeling.going through and it sucks! I told him the next time I get even an intuition that he's up to no good, I'm gone, filing for divorce, and taking the kids with me. It's been about 5 months now that I haven't noticed any slick s*** going on but I'm always on guard.
    Nanixh

    Answer by Nanixh at 9:29 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • thanks for the answers... Its nice to know im not alone.I absolutley know its not my fault.I am a really strong woman and have survived many things in my life including a really difficult childhood in a single parent family.The hardest part of all of this is wanting so badly to have a strong family life, and give my kids what i never had... and realizing, that because of my husbands immaturity/low self esteem, i now have to sacrifice what i deserve in a relationship to try to piggyback him through "his issues".uggh.My friends and family are proud of me for being so calm through this, but its because i feel rather numb.I focus everyday on our baby and our daughter and it helps a lot.I just feel disgusted with him and i go back and forth everyday.somedays I want to just kick him out... but that would make things harder on me at this point. IDK. i guess nows not the time for any rashness. I just am searching for some kind of hope
    elliseeypoo

    Comment by elliseeypoo (original poster) at 9:54 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Sorry to ask a dumb question, but what is an online infidelity? Like emailing sexy stuff with some random woman? (Which makes me ask, how does he know he's even writing to a woman?) Just a general description, I don't need to pry into anyone's specific situation. This is just beyond me.
    TwoBrownDogs

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 10:06 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • well, it can be lots of things.... emailing naked pics, talking dirty, cyber sex, internet prostitution....and youre right he doesnt know if hes talking to a real woman. I dont think it matters... its usually about needing attention from others and wanting to feel desired and sexy outside of your marraige. Some people need fantasy, secrecy, and many people i'm sure feel its a "safe" way to explore those things. It can unfortunatley be really destructive to trust and relationships even with no physicality. its more of an emotional betrayal.
    elliseeypoo

    Comment by elliseeypoo (original poster) at 10:16 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • you dont need that sometimes they dont change thats a illness sometimes we want the best for our family and it does more damage to live in that and show your kids this i wouldnt trust him even around my family if he cant control himself he needs to commit himself some where to get help and you need to be strong love yourself you dont that mess in your life or strip your self esteem dont settle for less girl you need counseling with him break that cycle
    gianna530

    Answer by gianna530 at 11:58 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

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