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telling grandparents they have an unknown grandchild....

I'm a sigle mother of a beautiful 9 week old baby girl. The father and I had diffrent views on keeping the child, and he left me shortly after I desided to keep the baby. We established the paternity and he visits once a week, but he hasn't told his family!! I feel that they have the right to know , especialy since this is their FIRST grandchild. He had over 10 months to tell them. They have already missed so much!! Should I tell them? should I write a letter or visit their home? I'm just confussed at what would be the right thing to do.

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Asked by Chloes_Mom12 at 6:41 PM on Nov. 2, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • yes yes yes. do w/e is easier for u. but definitely tell them. he has no right to deprive ur child of grandparents. no matter if he's an ass or not. Ur daughter would probably love more family!

    Answer by Fanta-Mommy at 6:45 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • I agree they have a right. BUT..make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. If this is some way to get back in his life...walk away. If you are looking for finacial support..walk away. If you simply want his parents and grandparents to know they have a blood related all means. JUst be very careful how you do it. Write a letter and tell them you are not contacting them because you want something. You simply believe it is their right to know you have a grandchild of theirs. Leave your name and contact number. Tell them if they would like to speak to you or see the child for them to call you. Leave it in their hands. If they call ..wonderful. If they don''re better off without them. Good Luck.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 6:45 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • I think you need to do it together, or he needs to do it. My cousin was in the same position. They did not know about their grandson until he was 6-7 months old. If you go against dad, it could make the relationship much more strained, though, I agree, they do need to know. Ask him how long he plans to wait to tell them, because they have every right to know, and you aren't comfortable keeping it from them, and that you want them to get to know the baby.

    Answer by mrseum at 6:48 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • Tell him if he doesn't, that you're going to and ask him if that's what the wants, I think he'll shape up real fast.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:51 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • I'd call first. Make sure and leave your contact information, they WILL call you back and set up a visit. Expect negative reactions as a possibility. We've all seen Maury! They have a right to know about the baby.

    Answer by shmorris56 at 8:23 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • if it is truly just so this baby can know its grand parents and not to try to get the father back i would be compelled to write a letter because they have a right to know. but keep in mind they may not be interested or nice about it...but at leasy you can tell your child you tried.

    Answer by salexander at 9:40 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • I can't help but find myself asking what I'd think of the situation from the other side. I would have to ask my son what he wanted from this, if he had a paternity test, whether he was paying support and how often he saw the baby. What he said, would seriously impact my reactions. If I had never met the gal before, my reaction would be less friendly.

    That in mind, I would first tell the guy, I am going to go talk/ call/ interact with to your parents on this date. You can choose to be there, or not; but this is what I'm doing. This way he has the option to talk to them first, and it doesn't turn into 'I'm telling your mom on you'. If they know you, I might ask them out to lunch or another neutral location to keep everyone reacting 'politely' Then the choice as to how much contact they want after this is in their hands.

    Answer by Kestrel1 at 11:24 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

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