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5 Bumps

I just don't know what to do... help please

I have been dating a great guy for almost 6 months, we live together, along with his 16 yr old son and my 16 month old daughter. We have a great relationship and he has been there for me in every way possible (to helping me buy a car to caring for me after surgery). But there are things about me, I have not told him about, and am scared to tell him. I have OCD, ADD and am boarder-line bi-polar. I also am a recovering addict/alcoholic (going on 3 years clean/sober). I am capable of controlling the disorders (have not been on medication since I found out I was pregnant with my daughter) but know that at some point I will need to go back on the meds, and I don't want that to be when I tell him. Please, advice or good wishes would be nice. The OCD causes me to think the worst about telling him.... thanks to anyone that cares!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:53 PM on Nov. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • Just tell him...if he is not supportive then he wasnt for you.....
    MELRN

    Answer by MELRN at 9:55 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Exactly if hes as good as you say and really cares about you he will be supportive and try to be understanding, if hes not then hes not worth your time.
    countrygirl06

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 9:58 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • If this guy truly loves and cares about you this will not be a problem for him, however, some men think you dont need to take all that medication when the fact is you do. He probably is getting to know you pretty well already, why do you live together? Why didn't you get to know him better before making this move.
    Momabear455

    Answer by Momabear455 at 9:58 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I understand the OCD gives you great anxiety, but things can really be worse if you don't tell him. It will be a big relief for you and he really will want to help you and stick by you it seems based on his history with you. The sooner you tell him, the better and the easier it will be. If you wait, it will only be worse in your mind.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 9:59 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • You should also realize that you're doing a great job, and should be very proud of yourself. As for him, all of the previous posters are right, if he's as loving and caring as you say, then it shouldn't be a big deal sitting down and telling him. Get it over with now, so you can focus on your family, and keeping up the good work at being sober, and then you can enjoy life, without this on your mind.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:02 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I agree with MELRN, you should tell him. He is going to find out sooner or later. Do not feel ashamed for your OCD, ADD, and border-line disorder...you are you...beautiful and made to shine. Be open and honest. Love who you are. Treat others how you would want to be treated...with that said...Would you like it if he kept something from you? Do not live in fear, live bold.
    VGonzalez73

    Answer by VGonzalez73 at 10:03 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • So really? After living with you for 6 months he does not know you have some mental health challenges?? I bet he suspects something!! I bet he would in fact appreciate you coming totally clean with what is going on in your head.
    mom2priceboys

    Answer by mom2priceboys at 10:03 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I would just tell him and say that there's something about your past that he needs to know. Let him know that you were afraid to tell him, and let him know that you're able to control it, for now without meds, and if needed in the future, with meds. I'm willing to bet that he'll be there for you and support you. It's not like you're telling him to used to be a serial killer or something, lol. It's not your fault, and it doesn't you're the same person you've always been with him. Nothing should change. And...if you were to wait until you had to go on meds, he'd find out and then you have to deal with explaining to him why you never shared that with him, ya know? Best of luck, hon, and try not to worry. I am on a prescription for anxiety and I know that it's easy to blow small things out of proportion, but really, 99% of the things we worry about never happen, and that is coming from an experienced worrier. :)
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 10:04 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • it doesn't mean you're not the same person*

    Holy typos!
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 10:05 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Find information for him on the disorders. Many people don't understand the disorders and only know what they see in movies. I worked in mental health for almost 9 years. The movies usually get it all wrong. And the more he understands about the meds, the more supportive he can be. Because meds can really suck. Also, as you educate him, you can identify ways in which he can help and support you. Guys' biggest fears are often being helpless to help their loved ones. So, if you can tell him your triggers, and how things progress when things flare up. What can he expect? How can he help? Who are your other supports? What are your symptoms? So on and so forth. As long as he feels he can DO something to make a difference, he'll probably be ok.
    Airamana

    Answer by Airamana at 10:09 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

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