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Daughter says she wishes she had never been born. Is this normal early onset drama queen, or a red flag?

My 7-year old daughter sometimes gets upsest about social interactions at school. She feels she is being bullied by a boy her age. She also has become somewhat of a protector to another chid with selective mutism, but is getting frustrated with the girl's inability to let my child have other friends. She comes home and cries inconsolably, sometmes for up to an hour, and sometimes says "Iwish I had never been born". Should I be concerned? Any similar experiences? This seem slike a very extreme thing to say, especially if she really means it This is not a saying that I use, by the way. And if I ever thought it, inn my own moments of sadness, I certainly never say it out loud in front of her, or anyone. Is she stressed? Needs different food? This is usually a very happy, bright, fun loving child. This started about one year ago. Thanks in advance for your comments. I'll consider it all and maek my own decisions.

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Lyn44

Asked by Lyn44 at 10:53 PM on Nov. 10, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 3 (15 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Yes, I think it's concerning. In a vaccuum maybe it wouldn't be, but you are saying that she is having some difficulty at school, cries inconsolably and some other things so yes I would say it's definitely concerning. If it were me, I would be thinking about talking privately to her teacher and her school counselor. Finding out information about what they are seeing at school...if they are seeing any concerning things....what kind of plan everybody could come up with to help her make things more manageable at school. I think the teacher and the school counselor need to be aware of this issue. If you haven't already, I would definitely talk to her about her sadness, what she means by "I wish I had never been born", why she says this. Talk to her about what she thinks would make things better at school or at home. Ask her "how things would look if they were good" Sometimes counselors call this the "miracle question"
    emilex

    Answer by emilex at 11:12 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I think she's just having a really hard time right now and she's sad. I don't think she fully grasps what she says too. Don't read too much into it, the negative attention may not be the healthiest. Just love her, and then love her some more. Tell her what a great kid she is, and how happy you are to know her!
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:12 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Anyway, in my humble opinion, this is definitely NOT normal drama for a 7 year old (I have an 8 year old). Given the high rates of suicide in teenagers right now, I definitely would not take this lightly. I would also suggest counseling as well. Sometimes it's easier for kids to talk to an impartial adult that has no expectations, instead of talking to their parent.
    emilex

    Answer by emilex at 11:14 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • She didn't say she wanted to die. I said this all the time when I was a kid. I liked the reaction I got when I said it. Being totally honest with you. It made me feel important and listened to. I liked how everyone's face changed, and everyone stopped what they were doing for me. I was also being teased badly in school, and was dreading it everyday.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:22 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • musicmom, she said she wished she had never been born, she cries inconsolably and is having trouble at school. I didn't say she was going to kill herself......I said I would definitely be concerned considering how many children ARE attempting and/or completing suicide. If your child is exhibiting signs of sadness, problems at school, and you are concerned enough to post it on a public forum there is CONCERN. That is a professional opinion from 10 years in the mental health field. I have an 8 year old daughter myself. It doesn't hurt to take action. What hurts is when you don't take action and suddenly you have a very sick child on your hands. Better safe than sorry. ALWAYS.
    emilex

    Answer by emilex at 11:27 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • This reminds me of a 3rd grade boy I had while I was student-teaching. He wasn't the easiest student; very bright, but wasn't motivated to apply himself and liked to defy authority. He said to me, on a couple of occasions while working one-on-one with him, "I wish I was dead." Not something I expected out of an 8-year-old. My assignment in that class ended, but I can only hope he got whatever help he needed or wanted.

    I would definitely look into it further and try to talk to her. As others have said, she could have all these emotions and she's not sure how to cope with them, so she says things and maybe doesn't understand the gravity of it when she says she wishes she wasn't born. Or who knows, maybe she does, but the important thing is to talk to her and console her and help her cope with whatever she is feeling/going through.
    phoofy

    Answer by phoofy at 11:31 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Yes, I know, I can read. That's EXACTLY the same behavior I displayed as a child. It doesn't make a child suicidal. It's not healthy to jump the gun. And I never told her to ignore it. I'm starting to think your opinion isn't so "humble"emilex.
    Lay off, I shared something really personal, I don't need you belittling it.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:35 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • Thank you all so much. I can see everyone really put their heart into their answers. I think I will talk to her school counselor. I have also noticed how the child with selective mutism uses this to manipulate those around her and get more attention, at least that's my interpretation of some of her behavior. I have been concerned that perhaps my child is learning a technique for manipulation from her. So I won't jump the gun.

    Gosh, it's so good to get your feedback. I'm glad I joined! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!
    Lyn44

    Comment by Lyn44 (original poster) at 11:42 PM on Nov. 10, 2010

  • I think the " i wish i were never born" is kinda normal.. I think it is ALOT different than saying "i wish i were dead" or "i want to die"...
    BUT...
    I would be concerned about the school situation. it seems it is very stressful for her. poor girl :(
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 12:04 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • That is definitely concerning. I would get her into counseling to help her manage and understand her feelings. Poor dear.
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 10:19 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

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