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2 Bumps

3yr old touching herself

My 3yr old daughter who is about to be 4 in December tonight as I put her to bed she was hiding under the covers so I walked out got laundry done and walked past her room to find her still under the covers but sitting down and when I pulled the cover up she had her panties down and was playing with herself I did not know what to do or say to her so I talked to my husband and we decided I should have the who can and can not touch down their and if someone does she needs to let me know. I have a dr. apt Monday and I was going to ask the dr about it. But what should I tell my daughter I just read it is normal but I don't know what to make of it or what to say any suggestions???

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:00 AM on Nov. 11, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (10)
  • I agree it's normal, and you're wise to have the "who is and who is not okay" speech. With DS, we just tell him it's okay to do in your room, alone, just keep it private and wash your hands afterward! LOL But yes, very normal. My mother has a very embarrassing story about me when I was about 4, running buck naked into the living room where my mom was sitting with her (very conservative) parents. I threw my leg up on the couch and, terrified, informed my mother there was a hole, THERE! She tried to get me to go to my room and put clothes on, and I persisted, "No, Mom, you don't understand. There is a HOLE down THERE!!" Sigh. Yep, normal.

    Answer by musicpisces at 12:07 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • You're on the right track. Her body. She can do what she wants with it. In her room or in the bathroom and by herself. Talking to the doctor will be no different, but it might make you feel better.

    You don't need to really tell her anything. You can let her know that she can ask you questions and you will help her get the answer.

    Answer by ecodani at 12:09 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • It's a little awkward, but it's normal. At least she's doing it in private. I wouldn't neccesarily tell her it's wrong, don't want her to feel dirty, but tell her if she is going to do that to do so in private. I'm sure the touching feels good, and it's something very new to her.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:11 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • BUT, if she is obsessed with it, or acting overly sexual, I'd watch for possible sexual abuse, or maybe just being overexposed to sexual situations on tv or elsewhere.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:12 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I told her I was not made at her and I asked her some ?'s like if anyone else other than herself has touched her she answered "no"  I don't watch tv and when she watches tv it's either disney channel or nick and as far as seeing like me and her father I know it's not possible since when we have are alone time is when they are sleeping and we keep the door locked at all times it just concerned me that at such a small age children do start to explore their body's and I was not familiar about how normal it can be tell now and I also read that some children have started at a much younger age than 3.


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:29 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I think t's normal

    Answer by Ashlynnsmommy07 at 2:53 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • My 3-year-old daughter (she'll be 4 in February) does the exact same thing. She doesn't watch anything but disney movies and/or PBS cartoons. This is absolutely normal. She's discovering a part of her body...think of when they were babies and they JUST discovered their they'd stare at them and wiggle their's new, different, and it's a part of them. When you look at it that way, you can see it's nothing out of the ordinary. I do think, however, that now she's "discovered" that part of her the talk of who can/can't see that part of her (or touch) needs to be said. Not the whole birds/bees convo....just the "okay this person shouldn't be touching me" convo.

    Answer by mainemusicmaker at 5:53 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I agree it is very normal. We have told all our kids that its normal and if you do it keep it private. We also have the good touch bad touch talk every few months just to make sure its drilled in to their heads. She will be fine, try not to worry ok!

    Answer by mom23ks at 8:22 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • My kid was doing that at two. We went with the yucky hands dont touch, or your pee pee gets sick. (She was always getting bad rashes, her pee pee would look really red, it was bothersome) It was easier to talk about when she was older.

    Answer by Glickstein at 8:50 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • my 3 year old just figured out she has a "front butt" (as she calls it) and we kind of did the same thing... no being upset, asked if she had questions, talked about that it's okay for me and her dad to wipe her butt, gma and gpa too... but no one else should touch her there... and that touching herself is NOT okay when we are out of the house... since then i have only seen her "play" when in the tub... which to me is normal, and honestly an appropriate time to explore, since you are naked...

    Answer by asil at 9:19 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

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