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I am having my baby in about 8 weeks and my mother in law is coming into town and I think she plans on staying with us? How can I tell her I want privacy or will I be thankful she's around to help?

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xbadkatx

Asked by xbadkatx at 12:22 AM on Nov. 11, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • If you have other children then it will help out alot.
    Claudiomom

    Answer by Claudiomom at 12:26 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • set the rules now. Tell her you need privacy. Tell her you need help with things like food and laundry and dishes. Do not let her "help" by taking away your baby. You need to have the baby near you. She can play with the baby later. Make it clear that she is coming to take care of you. Not the baby.
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 12:27 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • You will be very thankful that she is around. I would have taken in someone off the street if they would have helped me at times.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 12:28 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • When I had my son I didn't want any help, and when people came to help I had them do small things like the dishes and clean...lol Or watch my son so I can take a quick shower. But some people get over bearing and try to do everything, and that's exactly what I didn't want because I felt like the first 6weeks were for us to bond with our baby.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 12:30 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Depends on your relationship with your MIL...but if this is your first child you may end up appreciating her, if you plan on BF'ing it is GREAT to have extra help, if you end up having a c-section she'll be of great help as well. Husbands are great but if this is your first he'll be just as clueless as you. If you have other kids she can be a GREAT help. BUT if you have a stressful relationship, if you don't think she'll be respectful then she may be more burden than help. Maybe you could discuss your concerns with her before she comes. Discuss your expectations and hers in regards to the visit. But I only suggest doing that if you have a good relationship if she is one of those dreaded MIL's that makes life miserable on the best of days kindly ask her to make other lodging arrangements! Good luck!
    Duckylicious

    Answer by Duckylicious at 12:31 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I had no one to help with either of my children - you'll much more appreciate the help. I have a friend who just had her daughter - she tells me that if it weren't for her mom an sister she don't know what she would have done those first 2 weeks. (and she don't normally get on very well with her sister). Cherish the moment, let grandma love that baby all she wants cuz you won't just be bonding with baby, you'll get to witness the birth of grandma's bond too. A grandma bond is different than a mommy's bond - not anything less, not anything more - just different. And special to see as it forms. GL
    ShelbyShareAlot

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 12:44 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • If this is your first baby you may be happy for the help but you need to make it clear that you will need help with meals, laundry, and cleaning. Let her know that you would of course love for her to hold the baby and bond with her new grandchild but that it absolutely MUST NOT interfer with meal times. Baby MUST be breastfed on demand if you want to be sucessful. Also make it clear that while you appreciate help you need to learn how to be a new mom so when baby is screaming his head off you do NOT want her to give advise unless you ask for it.

    I personally didn't want anyone around for a few days but when my mom did come over and cook dinner, help with the laundry, etc. it was nice.

    It's totally up to you but make your expectations clear UP FRONT! Don't be afraid to ask for what you want and need.
    miasmommy21407

    Answer by miasmommy21407 at 12:46 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • i would sugest she come and visit but stay at a hotel the first week so she could visit but not take over and you have the peace of mind she will leave at the end of the day yet be on speed dial if needed
    sttawardnas

    Answer by sttawardnas at 5:58 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • It could go either way.But its your baby and keep it with you and let it be known that right now is your time with your little one.I had this problem.....but i breastfed so she couldnt take my baby for long!
    aliceinlove

    Answer by aliceinlove at 10:21 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Start talking about your "plans" now. Like how you want things done an what you will need help with. Make a list of things for her to do. Remember your hormonal so you can "vent" also. If the hints don't take just come out with it. Its your home and your baby she needs to respect that. Help is wonderful but too much help is not help at all but more stress.
    Mjay84

    Answer by Mjay84 at 10:26 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

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