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advice on blending families...

here's the details... my boyfriend is not the father of my unborn daughter. he and i met and began dating after i had become pregnant. so he and i have no shared children. were planning to blend a family with his 2 childrenfrom previous relationships, and my daughter from my ex. he gets along very well with both of his kids' mothers'. i have only met his son's mother, and she and i also get along. (i havent had a chance to meet his daughter's mom/ex wife). he has a 50-50 custody agreement, so we spend alot of time with the kids. however, they only know me as "daddy's friend". we didnt want to rush into anything and cause confusion for them, but weve recently decided we'd like to get married, and move into together and make things permanent. basically what im looking for is advice on what to expect when i become a step mom... id love to hear any stories, or any of the usual hardships i may encounter in my new role. thanks.

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Asked by rebeccaT1087 at 2:45 AM on Nov. 11, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (4)
  • Just think about her feelings in the situation at all times don't let them call you mommy, that may piss her off, just keep it at step mom to avoid any conflict.

    Answer by 405mom at 2:51 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I am a step-mom myself. My step-DD is 9 and she lives with her mother and we have her ever other weekend and my step-DS lives with us and he is 13 and him and I have are ups and downs like any other mom and son would at 13.I get along great with my step-childrens mother. I keep an open line of commiucation with my SC they know they can come to me anytime and speak to me about anything. They also know that i am not there mother and I will NEVER take the place of there motherever. There is no step-sister crap in this family my Hubby and I have a DD together and they are brother and sister not step-sister nothing like that. You all have to stay on the same side of the fence and if there is a disagreement don't do it infront of the children EVER. Make sure you all are on the same side of the street you all want what is best for the children all of them.

    Answer by raemommy at 4:01 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • How long have you been together? It is important to listen to all of the children and how they feel without being patronising. Don't try and be the cool step mum who buys them all ipods or whatever as they will see through it, don't be overly nice to them or the mother as they will probably see that as fake. Just be down to earth, normal, show your personality. After all, your boyfriend has decided you are the one he wants to share his life with and his childrens' lives with so have the confidence to be yourself.

    If you fight with the other side of the family, never do it in front of them...and never ever bad mouth their mothers. aas they will allllways side with her. When you tell them that you are more than 'daddy's friend' explain that you love eachother very much and you love them too and you are going to get married so that you can join their family too. Make them feel important, don't try and call yourself their...

    Answer by little.knickers at 5:40 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • cont... don't try and call yourself their new mother.

    And emphasise how much you will need their help at being good big brother/sisters to the new baby. I guess that ties in with making them feel important You are giving them a role so they feel part of the family even though it is changing. It'll help them feel included and not threatened by the changes.

    But it is equally important to let them chat and talk to you about their feelings...and to give them space. Im sorry this is long and im not sure if anything ive said will actually be of use, but im trying to avoid going to the supermarket as its cold, wet and miserable outside and my 3 yr old has a rotten cold! lol

    Answer by little.knickers at 5:42 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

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