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Is Attachment Parenting a “Prison for Mothers?” adult content

http://blogs.babble.com/strollerderby/2010/11/08/motherhood/

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AngiDas

Asked by AngiDas at 5:46 AM on Nov. 11, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 15 (1,898 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • Well, I don't know if I would go so far as to call it "imprisonment" but I do think it's completely unrealistic and not healthy for either mom or child. We should teach children to express their needs in a healthy manner, and have healthy, realistic expectations, instead of teaching them that Mom will "know" what they need and indulge every little whim.
    I don't believe in "child-led parenting" -- I believe in parent-led parenting. Both my husband and I are strict, and quite often, our children don't get what they want, and feel frustrated -- and that's OK! In real life, as an adult, nobody is "attuned" to your needs!!
    I do like her statement "Do the best you can. There are no rules." I think that said it best.
    MommaofH2

    Answer by MommaofH2 at 6:20 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • it wold be for me.
    My objective was to raise little people into big people that were completely independent and self confident. Not dependent on anyone or anything.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 8:16 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Just read the whole article, what happens when the kid wants to get the hell away from these overwhelming mothers? Does the kid have to sacrifice their own freedoms and independence because a mom only feels adequate when she is helicoptering and hovering? These poor kids, I can't even imagine at what age they start imagining what it would be like to move out of their parent's house.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 8:21 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • LOL!

    I don't think any parents who use those methods would describe thier lives in that way. It's all a matter of perspective.
    UpSheRises

    Answer by UpSheRises at 8:22 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Just in response to the mom above me. AP doesn't mean giving in to your childs every whim or not expecting them to communicate their needs when they are capable. When they are infants and incapable of communicating needs, yes... we should attempt to be in tune enough to know what they need. But certainly not with verbal children. And setting limits is an unquestioned part of parenthood. There's a line between "wants" and "needs" and we all need to identify that line. AP isn't about raising spoiled brats, I assure you.
    LeanneC

    Answer by LeanneC at 8:25 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I don't practice attachment parenting, but what I do is similar. I don't feel like I am imprisoned by motherhood. On the contrary, I knew just how demanding motherhood was going to be. How much time and effort it was going to take on my part, and I choose to do it anyway. I work, and go to school, and still take care of my kids. Sure I require help from friends and family at times, but that doesn't make me any less of a mother.

    My philosophy is to live in partnership with my kids. I am not training them how to live, they are already living! Life doesn't suddenly begin at 18. I assist, guide, facilitate, support, respect, and love my boys.
    my2.5boys

    Answer by my2.5boys at 8:25 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Oops... didn't post quick enough! That was to the first response... but I will come back to you, JJB!
    LeanneC

    Answer by LeanneC at 8:26 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Now, onto the article... the author seems very well balanced on the subject and spot on. Jung seems a little crazy and not really understanding the concept of AP, the fact that it's a largely take what works and leave the rest kind of thing... and that it's certainly not one-size fits all. She acts as if she felt the guilt of AP when she raised her daughter... what, 30 years ago? It wasn't an ideology then.

    I agree that there is guilt lurking around every corner of motherhood... but the bottom line is that WE control guilt. It's a self-inflicted emotion. I choose not to feel guilty unless I really deserve to feel that way because otherwise it's just a waste of emotion and time.

    So, no... AP is not a prison. It was a lifesaver for me and my high-need child (and I was practicing it before I knew it had a name)... and it again was a lifesaver when caring for my preemie, plus a toddler.
    LeanneC

    Answer by LeanneC at 8:30 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • jewjewbee, AP parenting is not the same as being a helicopter parent. On the contrary, most of the families I know who practice AP, the children are for more independent than other families. This is a result of the parents being there when the child needs them, but only when needed. They do not force their way into every aspect of the child's life. For most of the time, the children are free to explore their environments, and the parents only interfere when asked by the child (unless in severe and imminent danger).
    my2.5boys

    Answer by my2.5boys at 8:31 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • A Mom who subscribes to that method of parenting WANTS to be attached and wants to be a Helicopter parent and wouldn't even think that she was in a "prison"....Because some Moms are way too invested in being "the Perfect MOM". These are the Moms who breast feed until the kid is ready to go to kindergarten andthe ones who co-sleep and insist that their kid must never lose when playing team sports. ANd their kid never hears "NO", but instead Mom has to launch into a long detailed explanation and offers choices ....not just a plain old NO. Of course that much parenting will occupy the Mom 24 hours a day.....not my choice. But it fills a need for them. These attachment Moms don't allow their kids to be individuals and they wrap them in "cushioning" to protect them from harm.....what a mistake. WHat kind of adults will they be? Dependent , unprepared wimps,I think.
    Sorry if I have hurt any feelings....
    kerp1960

    Answer by kerp1960 at 8:36 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

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