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My neice is a "crappy mother!"

She doesn't physically hit her, it's all neglect. We let her live with us for 6 mo.s so I know she knows how to care for her 10 mo.old because we showed her. She is lazy! She milks the system for all it's worth and I honestly believe she keeps her daughter around so that she can get everything free! I've already contacted Soc. Serv. and they visit her home 4 days a week for parenting classes etc... Soc. serv. told us that if she messes up 1 more time she will lose her. My family is sooo close to this little baby and would take her in a heart beat but they told us she would go to my neices mother first cause she's the grandmo. She is worse than my neice and has nothing to do with that baby.I've talked to my neice about what she's doing wrong, doesn't help, thats her "meal ticket" I just don't know what to do now, we see the baby as much as we can but it's "tearing us up" when we have to send her back.


Asked by anichols1 at 6:22 AM on Nov. 11, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 20 (10,058 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • See her often, show her love and a "normal" home. I am so sorry about this. I am sure your heart breaks every time she leaves. I would try my best to hold my tongue around the mother so you can see her often. Does your niece want her or will she let her come stay with you.
    I have my two nieces and one nephew right now. I have had them for several months. I just told their mom that I knew she needed a break and i wanted to help. I pretended to just be on her side wanting to support her. While all the others "judged" her and would tell her all the time how terrible she was I just kept my mouth shut. And now, she refuses to let the kids see the other family members yet they live with me. Yes, it is very hard not to rage when she drops them off covered in lice with no clothes or the little one comes back in diapers when she is in the middle of potty training at my house. But I just smile and open my door

    Answer by fluffymomma175 at 10:27 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Keep seeing her as often as you can. That's really all you can do. Mention to Soc. Serv. the care the baby will receive with the grandmother. You are doing all you can. Thanks for being there for that baby. I am so sorry. hug

    Answer by elizabr at 6:30 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I would hate to play devils advocate but let your neice learn on her own. From what you posted, as much as you have done to try to tell her she is doing something wrong, your neice will only continue to defy you and prove you wrong. Which is a good thing because what she is proving will only come back to her. Kudos to you for trying to reach out, for the baby's sake. Watch who your neice comes running to when she falls hard. You will need to make sure you are strong enough to forgive her and be there for support, not to identify her faults. Best of luck!

    Answer by MomReinvented at 6:43 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Soc Sev. isn't doing their job either, one worker came 2 nites ago, stayed for 20. min. looked at baby pictures for 10 min.checked nothing then had to go! We get the baby last nite, smelling like shit, drinking rotton milk, constipated crying cause she cant poop,The car seat reeked of crap and so did the diaper bag. I'm just at my rope with her. If we speak up she going to grandma and like I said thats even worse! Any suggestions on what to do?

    Comment by anichols1 (original poster) at 6:34 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • thanks elizabr, thats what were doing, it's just heart breaking!

    Comment by anichols1 (original poster) at 6:36 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • thanks momreinented

    Comment by anichols1 (original poster) at 6:49 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Oh wow that is really sad. Most likely she will end up getting the baby taken away. It's too bad that you can't prove that you have more of a bond with the baby to get custody since your neice was living with you. Maybe her mother won't want to raise the baby?? Well, the good thing is that she will be within the family and hopefully you can continue to be a big part of her life. It sounds like she is going to need that one person (you) to be the "guider".... not every kid is even lucky enough to have that person whether or not it's their parent or gaurdian.

    Answer by Namaste17 at 7:09 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • What about talking to the girl's mom? If she is first in line to get the child and doesn't want the baby maybe she can hand rights over to you. If not, I would start in with DHS again. I know a couple who went through the foster care process and now they have his great neices and nephews. Maybe you should look into being fosters. Good luck.

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:40 AM on Nov. 11, 2010