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2 Bumps

why do i feel so hurt ?

good morning all of you moms.ok hee it goes,i get online at facebook,then i say goodmorning to a family member and she gets off line real fast and iam going wtf.and iam like well fine.then i scrol down the page and find my chils that well not chat with me at all any more and she took me off her friends list.so i very upset and crying.i just want to chat with my 18 yearold child is this to much to ask?

 
ladybug36519

Asked by ladybug36519 at 7:07 AM on Nov. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,020 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Both my kids are teens (my ds will be 18 soon). We have a rule at our house - they want to have a facebook account, then we are on their friend list (and we have a copy of their passwords, IF we ever feel the need to check on them).

    Thankfully, we have a good relationship with them, so they don't mind - but, once they move out, etc, that's not something we can enforce. As far as the friend goes, there's a good chance that she was logging off and never saw it, or that she was in the middle of something important (emailing a friend about something serious or just hopping on to look something up and not up to visiting, for example).

    BUT - and I do NOT mean this mean - but if your dd has completely removed you from her friends list, and it seems like friends are logging off on you a lot, maybe they feel like you come on too strong on facebook, kwim? Like, I have a relative I love dearly, but whenever he sees I'm on

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:39 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Ok have u guys had any problems in the past for this to be going on on FB? Have you had the chance to ask this family member face-2-face or either through a phone call 2 see what's going on? As much as it's hurting you, try to get to the bottom of what's going on & then just try to move on.

    NubianQueen78

    Answer by NubianQueen78 at 7:54 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Sorry, but the last thing an 18 year old wants to do is talk to his/her mom on Facebook. To be honest, most older kids (unless they are adults and married, etc) will not even be "friends" with their parents on Facebook. They don't want them to interfere in their personal/social lives.

    Younger children will though. Don't get hurt, it's them growing up.
    AtHomeMommy-3

    Answer by AtHomeMommy-3 at 7:14 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • cont

    Like my relative - he has a decent amount of free time, and whenever he sees I'm on he wants to chat, and they go on and on and on - sometimes he wants to chat for like 30 minutes or more on facebook, which is all well and good, but basically means that I'm not able to do anything else but sit there and fb chat with him (honestly, I would rather just talk on the phone to him, so then I could sort laundry, load the dishwasher, dust, etc while talking to him). Instead, what would have been a 10 minute "check to see if ___ posted an answer to ____ sort of thing, I'm stuck forever, because I don't want to hurt his feelings and he just doesn't get I have to go. So, I admit, there are times when I see he's on I log off really fast (though to my knowledge, never after he's sent a hi - I just can't bring myself to do that...)

    So, talk to your dd "in real life" - not fb, and ask her why, and see what she says.

    Good luck!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:43 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Sailorwifemom.... this is not a snark, just a friendly heads up :-) ...
    FB does allow you to make multiple accounts. So they could have an account you know about and another you don't. In addition, yahoo and msn allow free email addresses (as many as you want), so they could set up a bogus email address to use to set up another account on FB quite easily.

    The one you know about is there good and happy version and only shows the stuff they are willing to let you see, the ohter version being the one where they can let their hair down and say and do all the stuff you wouldn't want to see. They coulod even use an alias name so you couldn't track em down or know it was them even if you were looking right at it.

    Just FYI --- I had some experience in that :-)
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 7:46 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Oh, I don't take that as a snark at all, and I do appreciate it :-) I know what you're saying, and my dh and I monitor our computers for stuff like that (I used to work with computers a lot and my dh works with computers and computer security sorts of stuff).

    I know that they could still be doing that, but we've caught them in the past (with some really minor stuff, but still...) that they tried to hide on the computer. lol - they know that they would be in less trouble for whatever they put on there than they would be if we ever found a fake account while they were minors living with us.

    I know they could still try it, and still maybe even get away with it, but we've made it as difficult as possible (short of saying no computer - which would make them just make one at a friends house) for them to do it. lol - I guess you could say we're pretty internet paranoid :-)
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:57 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • couple of ideas:
    1. maybe she was logging off as you were coming on

    2. maybe she was having another private conv. at that time with a friend (maybe even a "grown up" one that would have made talking
    to mom at the same time feel awkward

    3. not knowing your DD, but some people set up 2 FB accounts, one for the family (the clean ands nice version of themselves) and one for their friends (the real them that they don't want family to see, where they can relax and say what they want without mom or Uncle Bob seeing what they've been doing).

    I hope it works out. 18 is a time for pulling away and finding yourself. It may just be a phase where she just wants to be her own person right now without mom and dad around. She feels that freedom for the first time in her life, perhaps.

    :-) good luck
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 7:15 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • thanks ladys for all your help,have a great day.
    ladybug36519

    Comment by ladybug36519 (original poster) at 9:18 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

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