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2 Bumps

Help! My sd is 11, withdrawn and lazy...

Dad sees nothing wrong with her lying in bed, watching cable, texting and using her laptop...she only brings me laundry when she runs out...she also doesn't want to take care of herself...according to bm, she doesn't do any of this at het house...help...

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Staceystep

Asked by Staceystep at 8:18 AM on Nov. 11, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 3 (13 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • maybe she is depressed or just isnt to fond of the idea of being around you yet. Have you tried doing any fun activites with her? shopping, museums, skating, movies???
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:26 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • sounds like autism
    also sounds like a kid starting puberty... good luck :-)
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 8:26 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Well, i know that when my DD is at her dads house, he allows her to be lazy. When DD is at my house, i won't allow it. She MUST shower everyday & she MUST wash her clothes 2 times a week. If she does the things she is supposed to do, then she can sit in her room & watch TV or do whatever. Her dad needs to make her do these things. If he does not start soon, she will learn that it is OK to be lazy at dads.

    It's imortant that your DH back you up on this. Tell him that he is enabling her to be lazy & it's only going down hill. Start slowly/....show her how to do her own laundry one day & tell her that for now on, she needs to try to do it herself. Once she gets used to that, try something else. Like, making her shower daily. Tell her while she is at your house, she must shower every day. Take baby steps, be positive & use lots of encouraging words.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:27 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I really didn't come down hard on my children until they were 14. But if you want her to do chores right now, then get in her face and tell her. Stay in her room and fuss with her stuff. When she tells you to get out or stop or leave me alone. Say I will as soon as you get up, stop watching TV or take a bath. If she has a cell phone, Take it while she is home until she takes care of her room and other things you want done. Don't yell, they just tune you out. But they really hate a nosy mom getting into her stuff. I took my DD's door off her bedroom because she slammed it once to often when she was made at me. I didn't like sulking.
    depressedmom65

    Answer by depressedmom65 at 8:28 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • She refuses to do her own laundry and Dad thinks she shouldn't. She has 1 small chore that dad always does for her. I've been here for 3 years, but fell very ill this year. Until then, I was always on the go with her. Now, my body won't let me. What r reasonable chores, daily, for an 11 yr old?
    Staceystep

    Comment by Staceystep (original poster) at 8:36 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • My 10 year old stepson has been doing his own laundry since he was 8 & could reach the machines. We used to make him clean his room daily just so he would have a daily chore but now that he's a little older, we tell him that as long as he puts dirty clothes in the hamper & takes the trash out from his room so it doesn't smell, we don't mind a bit of a mess. If we would let him, he'd sit in front of the tv all day, so we have to give him a really structured afternoon. He has a specific amount of time to do homework as soon as he gets home & he's not allowed to watch tv/play video games until after dinner. So that all the time in between, he plays outside or reads one of his books. Girls are different, you don't expect her to go play outside all day; you have to give her something to do. Give her time limits on the tv/laptop and take them away if she can't handle a chore or two.
    belamente

    Answer by belamente at 11:56 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

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