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3 Bumps

my fiance doesn't want any more children and I do. when we first conceived it was a suprise but wonderful nonetheless. we discussed then how we would not want our son to be an only child and now he has changed his mind and will not discuss why. it pains me every day and every time I bring it up he changes the subject or says "do we really need to talk about this now?". I am 38 and early menopause runs in my family and I am scared I am running out of time. what would you do??

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lisaac72

Asked by lisaac72 at 9:37 AM on Nov. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Tell him that if you don't discuss it, that you will second guess marrying him. This is a HUGE topic that needs to be dealt with before your wedding day. No one wants to marry a man who won't give them a child when they want one. If you marry him before you talk about this, you could really regret it one day. Even if it's an empty threat, maybe it would help him realize how serious this is for you. He does not make all the rules, if you want to talk about this...he should man up & talk about it with you instead of ignoring it & pretending that you'll forget, or maybe he thinks it will just go away. NOT happenening. Tell him that if it's not discussed now, it's only going to cause serious problems down the road. I would bitch about it until he agrees to talk about it. You're not a dog, you're a human bieng who deserves to be treated with respect....if he respects you, he'll give you the oppurtunity to discuss this matter.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:47 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Reply to him, "No we don't need to talk about this now. When would be convenient for you?" Get out a calendar and have him choose a more convenient date, then write it down.

    I agree that this should be discussed before marriage...
    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 9:51 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Have you thought about marriage counseling? It may help figure out the reason and help with whatever other issues might come up. And if you have done marriage counseling then i suggest another counseling session.
    angelmine2011

    Answer by angelmine2011 at 10:16 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Tell him he need to tell you his reasons. Could it be financial? Do you work or are you a stay at home mom? How old is your child?
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 11:35 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Let it go and just be happy and blessed with the child you DO have.
    BaisMom

    Answer by BaisMom at 1:10 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I agree with goodybrook  Reply to him, "No we don't need to talk about this now. When would be convenient for you?" Get out a calendar and have him choose a more convenient date, then write it down.

    honesty33

    Answer by honesty33 at 1:59 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I thank each and every one of you for your responses. I go back and forth in my heart as to what to do - being a working mom in a professional atmosphere, I lean towards not threatening because it always creates a negative response. Some days I wonder if like BaisMom said, should I just let it go and live my life with the one blessing and true love of my life, my son. I am first going to look into couples counseling and propose that to perhaps spur conversation. I don't doubt that he loves me...but I pride myself on not having any regrets in anything so far in life and i don't want to look back and think i settled for the sake of a 'family' life. thank you.
    lisaac72

    Comment by lisaac72 (original poster) at 7:36 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I do have a question for you that I just thought about. Did you have any complications with your last pregnancy and/or delivery? If so he could just be scared of you going through that again. Also are you aware and is he that the older you are when you get pregnant the chances of a down syndrome child being born are higher. If he knows that then maybe thats it. Don't get me wrong there is absolutely nothing wrong with raising a child that has mental problems. My grandmother had her last child at around 40 she had a girl that is now in her 40's but is pretty much just 4 years old. My aunt is about the sweetest gentlest person I know. But it can be hard at times. Good luck I hope you guys can work this out to both your benefits.
    angelmine2011

    Answer by angelmine2011 at 11:07 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • all i can really say is take to god in prayer but maybe he"s scared
    mary40407

    Answer by mary40407 at 3:13 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

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