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Problem with 24 year old son living at home

has his girlfriend stay in room as does he when he goes to her house. we went along at first but now getting to be a pain when she comes to visit.We were trying to let him stay so he could save money but we feel it would be better if he had own place. I know you will say it is our house but we let it start and now regret it .anyone run into a similar situation.
Thanks

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:18 PM on Nov. 2, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (13)
  • if he thinks he is mature enough to have his GF sleep at your house, he should be living on his own IMO
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:19 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • Kick him out. A 24-year old should not be living at home. I know you're trying to help him by letting him live there, and you obviously have a good heart, but he needs to stand on his own two feet. Good luck.
    StarLee

    Answer by StarLee at 8:23 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • If you are uncomfortable with his behavior, before you kick him out, let him KNOW what you will and will not put up with(or accept) in your home. I understand wanting to help him out financially, and I would let ANY of my adult kids( and step kids) come home to live, but they have to know it's my house and my rules--so if I say you will have to sleep with your girlfriend somewhere else, she's out by a curfew that I set . If you respect my rules you can stay indefinitely. Break my rules and consequences of my choosing follow.
    Aprilmorgans

    Answer by Aprilmorgans at 8:52 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • He is 24 and should be in his own place. If he wants to have sleep overs he should wait till he is an actual grown up and lives on his own. Would not happen in my home. My 16 year olds are Freshman in college living in the dorms. They sound more responsible than your 24 year old.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • You want to help him, but he isn't helping himself, so all you are doing is enabling him to be immature and irresponsible. Tell him there needs to be a change of whatever you want, be it the girlfriend doesn't stay over, he helps out with bills, shows that he is working, saving, improving himself and working on a plan to move out, or simply that you think he needs to go ahead and get his own place.
    knightmoves

    Answer by knightmoves at 3:26 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • Try talking to him about what has changed(try not to let it turn into an argument). It was ok at first because you didn't know how hard it would be for you and your husband to deal with. You honestly felt that you were ok with the arrangement-his girlfriend sleeping over, but as time went on, you realized that you weren't as comfortable with it as you thought you would be. Don't make it seem like you have anything against his girlfriend or you risk losing him, but make it seem like you are old fuddy-duddy at heart and didn't know it. Does that make sense at all? He should get the hint that it is time for him to look at getting his own place. If he doesn't, he should respect you enough that he will spend more nights at her house and less at yours so that may help. If he doesn't respect you that much than you'll know it is time to insist he looks for other living arrangements.
    oh_tracie

    Answer by oh_tracie at 4:19 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • I have a 26 yr old at home so i know what you mean. First thing you should have done was set ground rules. No girls are visiting my son in his room or overnight. I just won't permit it. Thats my preference. My son still has a couple of chores like the trash and his own laundry. The only problem we have now is coming and going at all hours and it's my 20 yr old who gives me fits there. If you want him to get his own place then tell him he has a set amount of time to get out. You know it's one thing if they are going to college and living at home or working to save for a place but if they get to where they are just taking advantage of you it is time to cut them loose. If he has a job , i'd give him a month, 2 at most. BTW, my son has till the end of the year to find a place and move out.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 7:17 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • Contracts are made so they can be renegotiated. Revisit your agreement with him. Set a time frame for when you expect him to be able to live on his own in his own apt. Suggest he and gf get a place together and share expenses. They are essentially setting up house in your home and I'm certain that was not in the original deal.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:25 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • I don't know about kicking him out, my son just left at 18 and is skinny as a rail starving and barely making it. I think since you let her stay at first was the problem. Just tell him kindly you don't appreciate it and it makes you uncomfortable.
    njt320

    Answer by njt320 at 8:36 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • 1.set ground rules on over night company
    2. charge him rent to stay there
    3. set rules on who does his laundry and provide his meals
    He is an adult and should be treated as adult.
    avonbooklady58

    Answer by avonbooklady58 at 10:03 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

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