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Adopting while raising bio children?

I have a 9 mo old and my husband and I would like to adopt a girl between the ages of 4mo and 18 mo. within thew next two years.

Most of the agencies I am interested in require the couple to not be able to concive natural in order to adopt.
We are adopting because we want 4 children and we plan on adopting 3 over our life time. I know the agencies are worried we wouldn't treat adopted children like our bio child but we definatly will.

Can anyone offer support, agency suggesgtions or opinion about this policy?


Asked by lmt_mom2010 at 10:16 AM on Nov. 11, 2010 in Adoption

Level 17 (3,325 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Then find the agency that will work with you. One that seems like a good fit in every way. You should have no doubts about the way they practice or the way they treat you or expectant families. Their is a way if your heart and soul is committed. On a personal note....I find that theory offensive. I fear that should I ever find myself pregnant I might not love my bio child as much as our first child. I take great measures to ensure we do not conceive a child. For many reasons, but that fear is one of the many.

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:47 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • "I would like to adopt a girl between 4 mo and 18 mo within the next 2 years." Well get in line sister :D

    This statement is so incredibly naive, It shows how little you know about adoption, no offense intended. Did you know that for every newborn child given up for adoption, regardless of sex, there are about 40 couples willing to pay upwards of about $40,000 for the privilege. Even though you don't want a newborn, toddlers are sought after almost as much. If you want to adopt 3 your best bet would be to adopt a sibling group from foster care as they can be very hard to place. It's a wonderful thing to keep a sibling group together.

    Take some time to visit the foster adoption and adoption group, read some books about adoption and adopted children, and learn as much as you can. Good luck to you.

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:06 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • try being a foster parent first i have a few friends that went this route and where happier than ever to love the children in thier care and one ended up adopting the little girl and they already had a bio son.......i think it eazyer for them to see you bonding with the foster children to believe that you will form bonds with adopted kids later.....good luck and bless you for wanting to give kids a loving home

    Answer by cara124 at 11:34 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • That is such a weird concept to me.....anyone who works with adopted families knows the bonding is just as close and intimate as birth children.

    Having one or some children in the home shows a family's skills, how a family is involved in education and their school, who their support systems are, and how they deal with the whole family transition.

    I do think keeping a first born child a first born is of high value....if that be your own child or the adopted child coming in if they are older....

    Lilliput in CA was an agency who the county vendered us out to for my last adoption (our county had a rush of adoptions and made such deep cuts they needed help).

    I know many social workers who prefer a family who has already birthed....

    Answer by surfcitymom at 10:38 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I second fostering - especially fostering to adopt.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • It may be that agency's nitch - to say to expectant women we place with families who can't have kids biologically. I wouldn't select a program like that. What if you were to have a bio child later? People do have kids after being told they can't. A birth parent may feel very upset learning you could. Even if you knew that doctor's said it was impossible....there would always be that doubt. And many children are living with other siblings in the home that may or may not have been adopted. Adoption is a crap shoot no matter how you look at it. You could have the best parents in world, average parents, or these people truly sucked parents. So it goes. You can be an only child and have never felt truly loved or you can have five older non related siblings, some the bio kids, and your family is the freakin Brady Bunch. But it all depends. Adoption is always a leap of faith on all sides. If you feel strongly about this

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:42 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Try either an open adoption place, once they do a background check and a home study it is up to the bio parents to pick the adoptive parents so there is not some rule saying who deserves a baby more, or an international adoption.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 8:30 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I never heard of agency like that but maybe they are trying to protect you. It takes a lot longer in many cases to adopt if you already have a bio child, you want a specific age range ( which is an age that is almost impossible to find in a domestic agency adoption) and you want a girl which is the preferred gender.

    They may be saying that they wont take your money because they know they cant help you, your wants are too specific and having a child already makes you harder to match. Some agencies only work with a certain number of couples because they dont want to take money off couples and have them waiting years and years while they cant help them.


    Answer by 2ndtimewish at 9:14 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • That is just bizarre! If it is an infant adoption agency, they come up with all kinds of rules to narrow the group of prospective adoptive parents, since there are so many couples hoping to adopt so few babies. If you're talking about a fost-adopt program, I've NEVER heard of that. Maybe you should keep looking around. I looked around for a year when we were starting to seriously pursue adoption. There were so many different routes and agencies, and it was overwhelming. If this is on your heart, don't give up.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:53 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • For the record--- I am awarer that many families want to adopt toddlers and infants. Just because I didn't name agencies or mention that my husband and I are MORE than willing to be foster parents first or that we would prefer to adopt a sib group doesn't mean I am native. It means as with most thing on the internet people need to be more guarded when sharing personally information : especially when the information I am share could one day be found by my child or children.

    Comment by lmt_mom2010 (original poster) at 1:00 PM on Nov. 12, 2010