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How do you deal with things you used to do when they were alive?

My dad passed away 11 years ago, when I was 19. I am at peace now with his passing, at least I think I am. Since his passing I have found that I can't listen to Mexican music like I used to. Music is a passion of mine and he LOVED his Mexican artists/bands. He was the one that taught me how to dance when I was 12. I miss this music and I miss the dancing. I can listen to the music but not for very long. The same goes for my brother. I want to be able to pass this heritage down to my kids and share with my husband.

So how do you deal with the things you used to do when your loved one was here?

Answer Question
 
mz_erica03

Asked by mz_erica03 at 11:59 AM on Nov. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,499 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • You do those things while thinking of the departed loved one. I always remember how my father loved the holidays. I miss him terribly, but sometime during the holidays I think about him. Wipe away the tears, and move on.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 12:04 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Thanks Bmat and I'm sorry for your loss. I guess I haven't let go like I thought. Holidays are inevitable, you know they're coming whether you want them to or not. In my case, I avoid the music... it's hard to explain. I do it subconscioulsy.. without even realizing it, ya know? :-(
    mz_erica03

    Comment by mz_erica03 (original poster) at 12:08 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • You have to invite the memories, think back on the good times, and smile. My mother passed away earlier this year and Christmas has always been a time in my life that she has instilled values in me to cherish forever. I know this Christmas will be difficult, as I am already starting to see. But I know that I have to keep her memory alive and invite those happy memories, take a moment time out, cry a little, and remember how I want so much for my children to always have wonderful memories at Christmas time like my mother gave to me. In the end, it is memories that we have to cherish. Good luck, and I hope you can see it this way and realize that it won't be without some pain, but it is also a joy to have such wonderful memories.
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 12:08 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I fight back tears and keep in mind that that I am alive. If I were you I would listen to the music for the simple fact that he can't anymore. I try to do those things and appreciate them even more because life is short. I also imagine them looking down and knowing that in that moment I am thinking about them with happy memories.
    sunshine58103

    Answer by sunshine58103 at 12:08 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • It's hard i know, my mother passed away 7 years ago but i try to carry on the things she did and that made her happy. There are certain songs that she used to sing in church and now when i hear them i cry and at the same time i smile because i know she enjoyed it.
    iluvmykidsxoxo

    Answer by iluvmykidsxoxo at 12:15 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I agree, listen to the music. Have your tissues close at hand and cry all you want to. Along with the grief, think happy thoughts of the pleasure that you once felt with the music.

    Thank you. You'll get through this. You are strong.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 12:16 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Still trying to figure that out 6 years now after my Godmother passed. :( I miss her every day like crazy.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 4:03 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • My father got killed in a car accident on 04/16/07...that year I canceled Christmas. The following year I tried to do the same year but my kids wouldn't have it. So, what I do is always make sure I do something he liked...he loved my stuffed mushrooms and pumpkin soup for Thanksgiving, so I make sure to make them every year for Thanksgiving...just for him...sniff...sniff...sniff...
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 6:10 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

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