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3 Bumps

Should this hurt me?

My long time partner and I are moving in together. We have decided to buy a home that will be our "first home". I am much more picky about the home than he is. Because I set my own hours and he gets impatiant and does not want to go from house to house it is my job to scout them and on the weekends I show him my favorite 3-4. Well I found one (he has not seen it yet but has said if I love it then it must be the one) I was elated and IM his sister to tell her all about it. Her response was "are you sure he really wants to do this, cuz frankly, you are the only one who seems excited." I was really hurt. I cried and he IM her and said he was excited too. He said maybe she is just upset because she would like a house too. I have not responded and though we used to walk together 3 times a week I haven't called her this week. I am really upset. Should I be

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fluffymomma175

Asked by fluffymomma175 at 12:06 PM on Nov. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Level 7 (172 Credits)
Answers (30)
  • It's a little distasteful on her end, she could be jealous - who knows. He may not show as much enthusiasm as you, but I would definitely make sure he's 100% ready to buy this house. Purchasing a house is a lot harder process then just renting. Good luck.
    SweetPieMama24

    Answer by SweetPieMama24 at 12:07 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • No it should not. She was just speaking frankly, not wisely, but frankly. She must feel that she has a close enough relationship to you that she can say anything to you and not have to guard her tongue. Just let it go and enjoy your house- search. My husband wasn't interested either. He'd join me if I asked him to, but otherwise he was content to leave it up to me.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 12:08 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Yeah you should be upset she is most likely just jealous.. Let her come to you and apoligize walk alone until then.
    lovinmybaby87

    Answer by lovinmybaby87 at 12:08 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I think she is just envious and doesn't know how to deal with it.
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 12:11 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I am sure she mean no harm with what she said, and from what you said he doesn't seem as excited but then again men do not get excited about things like we do, does not necessarily mean he doesn't want this though. Don't sweat the small stuff, and do not let this get in the way of a nice relationship, let it go.
    older

    Answer by older at 12:11 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I'd be pretty upset, too. Who knows if she was telling the truth, but either way, it was a mean thing to say (unless she meant it out of concern, as in, he's been telling her he's not excited, but that doesn't seem to be the case). It sounds like she has her own issues, and she's putting them on you. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Do what you can to not let her get to you (I know, easier said than done). It's okay to be excited about a house!! It's a big deal! It's between you and your partner, and you two are the most important ones to be excited about this! I agree with your SO, she's probably jealous. I'd keep your distance until you can be civil. Hopefully, she'll apologize soon. =)
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 12:11 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I'd be upset as well! I'm sorry she said something so insensitive. You should talk to her, tell her how she made you feel, and go from there.
    mrskrisher

    Answer by mrskrisher at 12:11 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • You cried because she pointed out that he might not be as excited as you? Are you pregnant? If not, then your reaction as far as I'm concerned is over the top. I can understand being a little butt hurt about it but not to the point of crying about it. She was speaking frank, blunt, whatever you want to call it, but a honest and truthful question. She is his sister, so him not being enthusiastic more likely made her wonder about his true feelings and asked you instead of him. Perhaps she was even hinting to you that he may not be as happy as you in the housing choice. But to cry over a question? Why?
    isabellalecour

    Answer by isabellalecour at 12:29 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Great info guys...let me add this too.
    I have been debating whether to move in or not without a ring. I know our relationship is solid and I am fine without a ring but I worry about the message it sends my daughter. He has said he has plans for the engagement when people ask him about it so maybe it will come before the house is built...anyhow, when I talked to his sister she said "I didn't move in with T** until I had a ring, my kids come first. But that is just me." Now they have broken up and she cries over how he treats her on a weekly basis. On the other hand we are steady and unified all the time. These two comments really hurt and I am not sure what to think....
    fluffymomma175

    Comment by fluffymomma175 (original poster) at 12:32 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I'm not understanding why you are takin' her comments so personal. With the comment about the ring, she put out there her feelings on the matter which is really only for her, but for you to consider as well. I don't see why you would take it as a direct insult to your choices. I'm even assuming that's how you are taking it. But please consider this, was she trying to insult you or not? If she wasn't, then don't take it so personal.
    isabellalecour

    Answer by isabellalecour at 12:37 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

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