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3 Bumps

How do we break the news of a new baby to a much older (and jealous) sibling?

My husband has a 13 year old daughter who wasn't thrilled that she was getting a baby brother two years ago. Now she loves her baby brother, but has made it clear she doesn't want any more competition, especially another girl. Now we're expecting another one, and my husband is at a loss as to how to break the news again this time.

Answer Question

Asked by vixenmama at 12:10 PM on Nov. 11, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 5 (79 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Do it with excitement, she will have no choice to be excited too....

    Answer by older at 12:11 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • It's good for her, another child wil teach her that it's not all about her. She'll get used to it, don't worry about upsetting her.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 12:12 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Tell her how she can contribute to her little sibling and that u will pay her an allowance for helping.

    Answer by dancer at 12:13 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • hmm i think maybe he should take her out to lunch or the park and sit her down and tell her. my husband has 3 kids from a previous marriage, and when i got pregnant with our son (who's now almost 10 months old) they were not thrilled at all. but they eventually got over it and love him to death. then i got pregnant again with our daughter due next month, and they were shell shocked but not as bad as the first time around. and it's not really her decision what you and your husband decide to do (you can have 5 more kids if you want, she'll be upset but she'll get over it). my stepdaughter, when i was preg with my first, was upset because we didnt discuss our plan BEFORE we got pregnant WITH HER

    Answer by SweetPieMama24 at 12:14 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Get her involved. Have her help, take her to some of the dr app, etc. I think maybe taking her out to dinner will help. You could always have a present for her as well. Something special.

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 12:16 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I think you just have to bite the bullet and tell her. She may not be happy about it, but she'll be very hurt if she feels like it was kept from her. Definitely don't spread the good news before you tell her. You might try taking her out for dinner and telling her that you understand she might not be thrilled, but you hope in time she'll be happy to be a big sister again. You can also make a big deal about how important she is in her siblings' lives as a role model for them. If it does turn out to be a girl she can share so much with a sister.

    When we told our daughter we were expecting twins she was 11. She was hoping they'd both be boys and didn't really think she wanted a sister. After they were born she bonded more quickly with her sister than with her brother, and she loves doing special things for her little sister like painting her nails. She didn't know how much she'd love having a sister.

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 12:19 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I like mom 2 just 1's answer. She suggested the present, dinner, and special times together. If it's going to be hard to deal with perhaps you should show her a book of pictures with children (or family pictures) of older siblings together doing things at the parks, or birthday pictures of siblings together. Happy togetherness !!!

    Answer by coffeeyum at 12:24 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Thank you, all! I've passed along your suggestions to my husband. I had another good idea, too: make a little photo book of her and her little brother since he was born, to remind her how much she loves him and what special times they've shared. I think we'll also get her a necklace or bracelet that says #1, because no matter what she'll always be my husband's number one!!

    Comment by vixenmama (original poster) at 1:17 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I was in your daughters shoes when I was younger...I can tell you from that experience. Make sure she always has her own space at her dads, so she feels like she is always part of the family not just an overnight guest. Because she is so old give her responsibilities. Make up things to get at the store then leave her to babysit for a few minutes.

    Answer by fluffymomma175 at 11:58 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

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