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No ring but buying a home....

I have been with my partner for 3 years. I have a 9 year old daughter and they adore each other. We have decided it is a good time for us to move in together. I share custody of my little girl so on the weeks she is with her dad I stay at my partners house and when my little girl is home she and I stay at my house and he comes over for dinner or we go over for dinner and such but we never stay past 9pm. On the weeks we are apart we miss each other and we do all activities as a family we just don't sleep int he same home. I cook dinner while they do homework for example. Well we have picked out the home and are signing the papers this weekend to start building. Problem is, I have no ring. I don't mind though for myself, I know we are solid and he has said he has it all planned out when others ask about us getting engaged. I just don't know what this teaches my 9 year old. Should I not move in until I have a ring?

 
fluffymomma175

Asked by fluffymomma175 at 12:26 PM on Nov. 11, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 7 (172 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Honestly, the commitment isn't about a marriage certificate, it's not about a wedding ring, it's not about a ceramony. The commitment in the relationship is about the two people involved. If you two are commited to one another the marriage and the ring are just icing on the cake. And some people don't even like icing. Therefore, it's up to you how you do things in your lifestyle. If you feel that moving in is a good move right now, then go ahead and do that. Don't let others make that choice for you. You are the only one that can teach your child why what you're doing is right or wrong. Nobody else can do that for you, because you're the only one who knows the true reasons.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:35 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Please do not think I'm being judgemental, that is not my intention....I think you have done a very commendable thing in showing your daughter the right way to handle things so far. Good job! (c: If it were me, I would get a very simple wedding band and have small ceremony - even done at the courthouse is fine. That way you are officially married. If you want to save up and plan a larger wedding, why not set the goal to do it on your 5th anniversary? That will give you time and still be a wonderful example to your daughter in your values.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 12:31 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • you don't necessarily need a ring to move in together. you have been together for 3 years so i would maybe ask him if he has at least the intention of wanting to get married someday (that's if you want to get married too) - just make sure you're on the same page, because buying a house together is a strong commitment towards each other, and you don't want to get tangled in a legal battle if god forbid something happens.
    SweetPieMama24

    Answer by SweetPieMama24 at 12:30 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Well its good that you are trying to teach your daughter good moraels but what about you being happy? So thats what you need to decide if you should put off having your new house or showing her something shes probably not really going to rememnber as a "life lesson."
    bhoward87

    Answer by bhoward87 at 12:32 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Sweetie-we talk about getting married and he says he has plans for an engagement, I am the one that says I want to be engaged 2years. His sister is getting married on 11/11/11 and I don't want to start planning mine and take away from hers...but I also want a year or so to plan...
    He is buying the house...in his name. I picked out the home and the finishes and will oversee the building day-to-day.
    fluffymomma175

    Comment by fluffymomma175 (original poster) at 12:36 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Jazz-never thought of it that way...
    fluffymomma175

    Comment by fluffymomma175 (original poster) at 12:38 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Sounds like all three of you have a great relationship, you don't need a ring or wedding to know that you are all committed to each other. It sounds like moving in together is a great idea!!

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 12:40 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • My Husband & I built our house before we were married and I had no ring. I knew that eventually we were going to get married and ended up spending our First night in our home on our Wedding night! The only advise I can give you that is VERY important is that if you are both contributing money to the purchase of the new house, make sure BOTH of your names are on the deed & when you do get married, have your name changed on the deed to your married name. This way, it's even and cannot be sold from under your nose without you knowing. Best wishes!
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 1:04 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Rings are just material things. If you love each other and you think that'll work for you, then go for it. I doubt your daughters going to think too much about it. My younger sister and her boyfriend have just bought a house. They aren't engaged because he doesn't have the money to buy one yet with bills and all. I don't see a problem with living with someone without being engaged or married. It happens. But, that's just my opinion.
    KileighR

    Answer by KileighR at 9:32 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

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