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3 Bumps

My step daughter wants to come live with us....

My step daughter, who is 13, just decided yesterday that she would like to come and live with her dad. We have never had her alone, her mother would never let us visit. We live 900 miles away from where she is now. I would love to have her come stay with us, we are better prepared to care for her then her mother is. I just don't know how to go about getting things done in court. I don't want to take her away from her mother, but if this is what she wants I will support her. What would you do?


Asked by ashisamom at 2:14 PM on Nov. 11, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 25 (23,819 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • First I would find out why she decided to come to live with you what is going on in her life that made her decide to come live with you. If you & your husband decide that it is in her best interest to come live with you then I would go forward. Make sure she is not doing it out of madness or despitefulness. I have seen kids do things out of spite & then say well now I want to go back because I'm not mad anymore & it has made a very big mess on both sides. Good luck to you & your husband.

    Answer by Shelbegto at 4:20 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Do you know why she wants to move specifically? I did this at that age because my mom didnt let me do what i wanted. (dress slutty, stay out all night.)

    Answer by chanelsparkels at 2:19 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • First and foremost, moving 900 miles away is a huge transition for a child. I would recommend taking her to a counselor to see if this is something that should be considered seriously. Sometimes kids don't like their parent's rules and end up bouncing back and forth between both homes as a way of avoiding responsibility. How does her mother feel about this? Your husband should call her and speak to her and her mom to see what is going on. I would never do anything without the advice of a counselor and a lawyer.

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 6:06 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Most states has something that lets kids over a certain age deside who they want to live with.. Find out what that age it.

    Answer by louise2 at 2:17 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • She wants to leave because her family is poor (cannot even afford one TV), she knows we have nice cars, nice things (PS3, Wii, Cell phones). She also hates her mothers boyfriend, he says he is mean and makes fun of her.

    Comment by ashisamom (original poster) at 2:21 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Talk to her mother and perhaps you can phrase it as giving the girl and her dad a chance to get to know each other better. Don't make it permanent at first. If the mother has custody, she could fight it if it seems like you're "stealing" away her daughter. And life isn't just about stuff, I've known some families with lots of money and stuff who were pretty crappy parents.

    Answer by ceallaigh at 2:24 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I don't think we will make better parents...just giving you her reasons. We really don't know her well and her mother won't let us be a part of her life. She flips if we even suggest visiting at her house. Thank you for your input though. I feel like we are good parents to the two we have and would love to be a part of her life. I just want to make the best choice for her.

    Comment by ashisamom (original poster) at 2:26 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I do not think that is a good enough reason to move to your house. Her father can buy her stuff. and when she gets 16 she can get a job and buy her own stuff.

    Answer by louise2 at 2:28 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Get ready for a nasty battle in court that will be VERY expensive. I would first make sure that her wanting to move in with her dad isn't some reaction to getting in trouble or a new rule she doesn't like at her mom's house. She is 13 so the court will give her some say but it will still be really nasty if the mother doesn't want her to. Does her dad have visitation rights?

    Answer by JLS2388 at 4:28 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Does dad pay child support also?

    Answer by JLS2388 at 4:29 PM on Nov. 11, 2010