Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

why is it hard for him to show me any affection adult content

if i try to hold is hand he pulls away & tells me he don't like holding hands but he'll hold our daughter hand while walking (she's 10) & latly when i try to hug or give a kiss he tells me he's busy wow 30 sec. is all i'm asking for but he has time for everything else,se phone calls to friends that he makes privately in his car texting his friends all day while where trying to do things as a family it always seems even when he's here w/ us he's put me down alot, swears at me calls me names but then tells me he loves me usually only if i say it first, why is he acting like this after 12 yrs of a great relationship these past two years he being an insensitive asshole & tells me i need to work on my self if i want to be treated w/ love & affection & on top of that he gives me a 2 month time frame to do so or he says he's leaving, all i do is nice things for him give him love,affection,take care of him. got a gut feeling

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:32 PM on Nov. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • May I ask a question.

    What is his "love language".. How doe she interpret/view showing affection?


    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:34 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • He doesn't sound worth keeping from what you have said here...

    Answer by But_Mommie at 2:40 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • In his car at night calling and teting in private plus the other stuff. CHEATING, CHEATING, CHEATING!

    Answer by Shines3 at 2:40 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • There could be many reasons why he doesn't show you affection. The first thing that comes to mind is that if you have had the habit of making cutting remarks or even ones that he hears as negative, that alone would be enough to explain it. If you want love and affection, the first thing you have to do is to show him respect. If you speak or act disrespectfully, you are killing his desire to show you love and affection. Men crave respect and when they don't get it from their wives, they are more apt to look somewhere else. Many affairs have been started because a flirtatious woman has shown respect to a man who wasn't getting that from his wife. It's not always about sex, which is what most people tend to think.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:44 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • NannyB is spot on.

    That's why I asked if you know HIS love language as well as you know yours.

    If he has been showing you love and affection in HIS way. And you have always shot it down, not noticed it, or not "got" the intention behind his actions. That is enough to make anyone distance and disconnect from someone. Once that distance and disconnect happens, if someone else shows him the love/appreciation/respect he does not feel (not that he isn't getting it.. but that HE doesn't feel it) he's going to eat it up, like it and want more.

    I have the feeling that there could possibly be a few (if not many) underlying problems in your relationship based on what you have shared. Things like: built up resentments over issues that have never been rectified, hurt feelings, feeling unwanted, feeling unloved, feeling unappreciated etc.. All of those feelings that you may be feeling, he may very well be feeling too.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:50 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I hate to say it but what your describing is the actions of a cheater. I'm sorry.

    Answer by momofone221 at 2:56 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Sorry had to answer the phone.. lol.. Now where was I. Oh yeah.

    Now, please don't take what I have stated as justification or excuses for his behaviours and treatments of you.. That's not why I shared what I did. I stated what I did because, well because I've BTDT. And from those experiences I learned that those types of behaviours/actions do not happen in a vacuum and they do not just begin overnight. There is always a reason behind someone's behaviors/actions and the choices they make. In order to figure out what's going on with your husband, and how to hopefully rectifiy it together, you must know the reasons behind his actions/choices.

    Again. Based on what you shared. It sounds like you both have feelings/issues that could be playing a part in the overall state of your relationship at this point and time.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:58 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • i give him nothing but attention,never call him names,swear at him ,try to hug &kiss him many times throughout the day, wash his back for him in the shower give him head rubs, foot massages, full body massages, hand massages, pedicures and manicure, do all his laundry, wash fold & iron, make his lunches for work, make him gourmet meals for dinner and home made desserts, once in a while I'll leave little love notes for him around the house ..touch his booty / squeeze it and give him compliments, i give him 200% of my self to him , but he rejects my affection and it hurts, about 2 yrs ago i heard a women on his phone leaving inappropriate messages and his response was his buddy at work was playing a joke , but how its that a joke if u know u ain't cheating and he expects me to believe this, know if i ask who he's talking to, texting or what he did durning the day all i hear is a buddy won't give details of who where or what

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:04 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • and he tell me for the last 8 months i can';t meant these so called friends until i show him i know how to act , but if a women hears another women talking inappropriate to her man of 14 yrs wouldn't that still raise red flags joke or no joke, the only thing that really confuses me is if he were cheating why stay w/ me??? he only tells me he's here because he cares and is trying to work things out but his actions tell me different, but of course he don't see it that way at all

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:09 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Based on your response.

    Most likley, Yes. If he were cheating on you he would stay with you. Why? Look at what you just stated. You treat him more like a child than a lover, a husband, a provider and protector. You do dote on him, wait on him, give unto him until you are most likely completely exhausted. However. There is a good chance, those aren't the things he's looking for, wanting and needing. If they were, he would be incredibly happy, and he would love and respect you for doing those things and he would most likely recipricate. Based on what you stated here, what you are doing, isn't making your marriage a happy one for either of you. You don't sound happy, and he doesn't (based on what you have shared) doesn't sound happy.. If the way the 2 of you are treating one another isn't working. Why continue to keep treating one another the same way. Continueing to do so, will just make you (most assuredly) feel worse.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:29 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.