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What would you do?? Advice on how to handle a family member

My sister that lives in Detroit, Michigan(we live in Grand Rapids, Michigan) comes in town once every 6 weeks or so and every time she comes in town she tries to tell me what I'm doing wrong or what I should be doing; in raising my boys, and what I'm doing wrong in my marriage(she has no kids nor is she married) When she comes in town she tries to take over my entire household and change everything as to how we raise our kids and what we are doing wrong and that I codle my children too much, that I don't deserve to be a mother and that I don't deserve the 2 boys I have. Well I finally got fed up with it this weekend and told her that she was awfully opinionated for not having any children of her own, also that she had no right trying to tell me how to raise my children when she didn't have any of her own or been through what we have been through with carrying them for how many months going through the pain, labor and delivery. Was I wrong in saying these things to her??


Asked by Autumnlover68 at 7:17 AM on Jun. 19, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (6)
  • Sounds to me you handled her just right. You may have taken a bit too much for a bit too long!!! When we do not set people straight as needed they feel free to keep walking on us. Now you have set a boundry with her and need to enforce it. If she starts in on you...say gently "I am not discussing this with you." It is better to just not "go there" than to fight over who is right or wrong. She is entitled to her opinion, but she does not have to share it with you. Hopefully, her comments were made out of love and concern, She is your sis after all. Hope it all works out. take care.

    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 8:41 AM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • NO! She almost sounds like a horrible mother-in-law except its worse because she has never even been through and of it! I think you had every right to tell her off and once she goes through marriage and childbirth/raising children then maybe she can have an opinion! Kudos for putting up with that crap!

    Answer by Nluvwitasailor at 7:37 AM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • Sounds like you were to nice on her.

    Answer by kaysha at 8:36 AM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • My sister (single, no children) also makes comments about my parenting skills. I know she makes them out of love and concern, but that doesn't make it hurt less. I think you were overdue with your talk and good for you for standing up for yourself!

    Answer by noveltysteph at 1:43 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • Before my sister had children she tried to "advise" me on how to deal with my kids. I nipped it in the bud real quick and on the first time too....My reply to her was, when you have your own kids you are more than welcome to raise them the way you want, but for now I am the mother of these kids and I will do as I damn well please. Needless to say she backed off drastically and now she calls me for advice on how to raise her boys! LOL

    Answer by Mom_2_3kids at 8:29 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • No you were absolutely not wrong. Someone who has no kids has no business telling someone who has kids how to raise them.

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 10:43 AM on Jun. 21, 2008