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6 Bumps

how should i handle this?

My little sister is pregnant. I just found out. On top of that i found out she is having a boy. her boyfriend left her and she is back living home with no job. she has no worried about when this baby comes because everyone else if going to take care of the baby for her. Mom has already told her that she will be waking up in the middle of the night to do the feedings and what not so my sister can sleep. She isn't being told that she needs to get a job after the baby is here. I'm so mad at her right now. She just doesn't care. She still goes out with all her friends and doesn't come home till late. How can i be supportive of her but not push her away? I keep telling her that when that baby is here it won't be some doll she can play with and just forget about it when she doesn't want to play with it anymore. oh and my baby sister is 16 and is talking about wanting to move in with me

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:57 PM on Nov. 11, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • Do NOT let her move in with you without RULES set up. I would also make her wait until she was 18. Sounds like EVERYONE spoils her and hasn't taught her responsibility. Your parents need to stepup and make her be a parent to her child. Encourage her to attend parenting classes.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:00 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Oh wow i would be very upset too.. 16 is way to young and your mom shouldnt plan on giving her a free ride because shes young.. she wasnt to young to get pregnant now young or not she has to face the music.. i hope your mom gets more strict and lays down the law and she gets the daddy to help its not fair for the family to play the daddy role.. i wish you the best of luck and i hope your sister opens her eyes and realizes this isnt a joke.. i was 17 when i got pregnant with twins.. thank the good lord i was a month away from high school graduation.. i would rethink the move in situation and decide what you think is best i hope you make the right choice.. and i hope your sister takes this more seriously... Good luck
    19withtwins

    Answer by 19withtwins at 8:05 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I know you are frustrated with her disregard for becoming a mother. You feel she should take responsibility but it sounds like she is not mature enough to have a child. If she already knows the sex then she's what 4mths. I suggest a type of intervention and talk about other options. If odoption isn't a option I suggest yall come together as a family and prepair to be the caregivers. The most important issue is the the child. A innocent child does not deserve to be brought in this world by inconsidrate narrcisist.(which most teens are) I wouldn't so much focus on what a burden thismight bring but focus on the childs wellbeing. I know the anger trust me
    aitson

    Answer by aitson at 8:12 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Don't let her move in with you. You're not her parent. And you're not her baby's parent either.

    Other than that, all you can do is love her. You can't make someone grow up. And being pissed off doesn't solve anything. Your mom isn't going to abandon her pregnant teen or her grandchild. Don't drum up drama in the family by getting vocal about how immature she is. Everyone knows she is immature. That's why they are all helping her.

    Plenty of people do "get it" when the baby is born. Just pray for her if you pray.
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 8:14 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Well, if she moves in with you then there will at least be rules that she will have to follow. Her mother clearly has no rules set up for her. She's 16 and pregnant and goes out every night, what kind of parenting exists there? Honestly, I think that she'd have a more structured life with you then she does with her mother. Her mother is going to end up being that baby's parent, not your sister. Your sister isn't going to learn responsibility, how to care for her child, or anything while living under your mother's roof. Honestly, I think she'd be better off living with you where she can get bounderies and rules. If that's infact the life you intend to provide for her. She needs to learn to be a parent to that child, because if she doesn't learn now she'll never learn.

    I don't agree with Ecodani .. Doing everything for her in acknowledgement of her being immature won't teach her anything. She needs to grow up now.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 8:23 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Dont' worry, she will learn when your mom desides she doesnt want to do everything for the baby. If you let her move in with you set up rules and let her know that SHE will be taking care of her own baby (also livng with you would mean her mom can't get up with the baby)
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 8:33 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Don't. Sounds like your parents are handling it, and you have no say in what they do for her. Should she grow up and accept responsibility? Sure, but very unlikely. Just MYOFB, and if you don't want to take her in-DON'T!
    SAMNMAYASMOM

    Answer by SAMNMAYASMOM at 8:49 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • it is a touchy situation. lemme put myself in ur shoes. my lil sis is also 16 however not preggers. just let her know that if she does come to live with u she willl be taking full responsibility of her child. that you willl be there to help however not to parent. let her know that it is time for her to grow up and be there for her child. cuz once she has the baby its no longer about her but about this baby. hope that helps. and like i said maybe her moving in with u when this baby is born or even before would be better for her. because that way she wont have ur parents to help her she will have to do it from the gate. :) good luck!!!
    haley8282

    Answer by haley8282 at 9:13 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • You didn't say if you have kids. I think that you just need to MYOB, hard as it is to keep your mouth shut, it's your Mom's and Dad';s problem. You don't need the extra stress. I think 16 is way too young to start being a Mommy, and I am sure your Mom will be more of a mother to the baby than your sister will be. It's not your problem. if I could talk to your Mom, I would tell her to be very careful, because you take over, and raise the baby right, and make sure she has everything, and then your sister gets a hair to move out and live with someone, takes the baby with her-it can be a nightmare! I speak from experience. So she should have your sister sign off on her baby, and sign over the rights to your Mom...or she should sit back and let her try it on her own, That is very hard to do when sis is living with your Mom!
    MamaAlice54

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 9:30 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • i'm thinking i saw a post your mom wrote about this same subject... i took in my 16-year old cousin a few years back (granted she wasn't pregnant then) and we strict rules for her... after 6 months of living with us, she broke all the rules and we had to have her leave... are you prepared to make your sister grow up and be responsible and make her suffer the consequences if she doesn't? if your sister isn't already, she needs to get into a teen parenting program and start to face what her future is going to look like.
    babymar

    Answer by babymar at 10:58 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

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