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Has anyones adult kids said something hurtful to you and than wanted you to pretend they never said it.

My husband and I have a son who is 23 and sense he met his G/F now wife he has said some really hurtful things to his dad and I. He told us about a year ago that we was nothing but his sperm and egg donors. I have tried to forget about it, but my husband will not forgive him for this and won't even talk to him.He also took her dead ex husbands last name and my husband said he disrespected his family but doing it. Again I try to put it behind us because I do love my son but can't talk to him is I want to keep peace at home. What is your opinon in this matter? Should I be more upset? Is my husband right for not talking to him? Or is he being imature about it ?


Asked by SheriesMom at 11:18 PM on Nov. 11, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 12 (793 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Does he live at home or on his own? Either way, you cannot condone disrespect in your home to you or your husband. Has he made amends or apologized for his actions? Until he does I would use tough love and cut him off until he can be responsible enough to own up to his actions. Actions have consequences. You mentioned that since your son met his girlfriend he started becoming more disrespectful. Do you think the girl has something to do with his behavior? I would call a family meeting with your son and husband. Try to resolve the issues. Go to family therapy if you have to. If he continues this behavior then you have to protect yourself and your husband. Good luck. Just remember, "We teach people how to treat us." If they disrespect and get away with it, they will continue doing it.

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 9:47 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I don't think he's being immature, and I understand your desire to keep the peace, it's not a matter of one of you being right and one being wrong. Your son said some hurtful things, and you'll each handle them the way that you can.

    I do have adult children, and yes, there have been some hurtful things said, that are hard to forget....and yet they have acted later like nothing happened. I can imagine for a man it would be especially hard for his son to take another man's name. Since most of us take our husband's name, maybe we wouldn't feel quite as strongly about it....although I think that would bother me. I wouldn't stop talking to him, but my husband might have a harder time & of course the other remark would be hurtful as well.

    I think your husband has to be able to decide how he handles the situation, and you have to try not to judge his behavior. Respect each others feelings.

    Good luck, I know how much that can hurt

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:29 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • we moms forgive and stay steady and faithfull , its our job . They say mean things and regret them , but as a mother we cannot be pushed away . let your husband be like that but dont join in , prove your son wrong and love unconditionally is my advice . good luck .

    Answer by maymummy at 11:24 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Do you have grandkids? My opinion is this:

    Life is short and your son has done some things that have hurt yall. But if you want to be in his life, try to look past these and forgive him, and maybe get together with him without your husband for now.

    Answer by txdaniella at 11:25 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • Your Husband is hurting and those pain do not go away easily also the Son something went wrong with both of them long ago and it did not solve so now if you trust God just Pray and let Jesus Help them

    Answer by ephyllisthomas at 11:35 PM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • It seems like there is some thing missing from this story. Was there a big fight before all this happened where your son was hurt? People lash out when they are hurt. You can try to keep the peace, but there is only so much you can do. I tried to over look the hurtful things my Mom has done over the course of my 30 years, but I got tired of being a doormat. Just because she is my Mom she thought I was just supposed to take the abuse. We don't talk any more and it is the best thing for us. Give your son and husband their space to be mad at each other, but I'd try to get to the bottom of why there are such hurt feelings. Just a tip, don't blame the wife. My MIL blamed me for many things that my DH decided on his own and it caused a lot of problems for all of us. Chances are your son decided to be upset all on his own.

    Answer by Mrs.B3 at 12:31 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I'd love to hear his side of the story.

    Answer by lovinangels at 1:23 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • adults kids don't think before they talk ,your hubby is hurt what was said more for you then him it will take time before he can forgive his son ,so give him time and your son you might have to do tough love,

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 1:29 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • What is stopping you and your husband from sitting down with your son and his wife and having a heart-to-heart? What is inhibiting that process?

    Answer by SlightlyPerfect at 7:21 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • First and foremost a parent should never stop talking to their kid, it is counter productive in so many ways. My kids have never said a nasty word to my husband or myself, all I hear are praises, but there is nothing my kids can say or do that would warrant me not talking to them, hubby is not right. Instead of taking that approach I would sit down and inquire why he feels this way.

    Answer by older at 8:20 AM on Nov. 12, 2010