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2 Bumps

How do I resolve this? Who is in the wrong here?

So, my husband cheated on me a month ago. It's the second time that this has happened. We have been together for seven years, married six. It's been a messy year and a half. This is a work in progress. I am not excited about it, but I am willing to work on my marriage for my families sake. bestfriend has been through all of this with me, when I found out and freaked out, when I decided to leave him, when I decided to take him back the whole nine yards. After this last situation, she has been very distant, busy even. Which is fine. My dh is seeing a counselor,and he is working on himself. He is trying. He reposted a very nice thing about me on his fb page and she went on this rant about how he is so insincere and how maybe he should be groveling at his woman's feet and just tearing him down. I of course got pissed. I confronted her about it and she got mad, because she is saying that I am not being honest...cont-


Asked by MamaRoberts at 11:56 PM on Nov. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,846 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (27)
  • It sounds like she thinks her opinion is the only one that matters. But still, this is your life and you get to make your own choices regardless of what she says. People can always give their opinions, but what you think is what matters the most. Since you chose to be with your husband and he is getting counseling, this is great! It shows that he is dedicated to your relationship and wants to stay with you. Good Luck!

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:02 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • Here's the thing...Your friend is always going to be your friend, she wants the best for you, when she sees someone hurt you and see's you in pain, she hurts for you, like she feels it too. When you get back with the person who hurt you it is natural for her to feel angry because it's like she's been thru it with you, only thing, she doesn't have the same emotional attachment as you, so she's thinking with her head, not her heart. She's probably distancing herself from you because why would she want to watch someone get cheated on, over and over, and nothing she says will change your mind, nothing he does will change your mind. So she probably loves you so much, but sometimes when people stay in situations that aren't good we have to walk away to protect our own hearts. And if you do stay being her friend, just know, everytime you go to cry on her shoulder, your just validating her point.

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 12:05 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • She's distancing herself because she loves you and can't believe you are getting back together with someone she watched hurt you. She has to distance herself so she can let you do what you need to do, because what she really wants to do is tell you how stupid you are being.

    Domonique had a point in saying your friend went through that with you and isn't excited to go through it again.

    Answer by sunshine58103 at 12:13 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • this is a tough one. Your friend gets to see you when you are devastated-she gets to hear all of the horrible horrible things about him and doesn't get to see the things about him that are lovable or admirable so to her he is a bad person who breaks her friend-I am sure she hates his guts. You have come to her for support when he has torn you up and to her that is what she is giving you-when you say you confronted her about it-it sounds as if you were telling her that she was in the wrong. I think that that appropriate thing to do would be to tell her, you appreciate the fact that she cares enough about you to stand up for you when she thinks you are being wronged, but right now you and your husband have agreed to work on your marriage and you think that he is really trying, it makes it harder to do when your friends are beating him up on FB-even if he does deserve it. Bringing up her boyfriend was probably the wrong time.

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 12:06 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • i think she is just trying to protect you since this isn't the 1st time your dh has done this to you

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 12:05 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • It is hard to love and support someone and hear them whine about how their husband has cheated on them when they stay with the man. After the first time he cheated she probably understood that and supported you hoping he would change as you did. When he cheated the second time and you took him back...well she probably doesn't wanna hear you whine about how bad it hurt when you are CHOOSING to deal with a man who cheats...not once but TWICE! I had a friend like this whose husband hit her...month after month I listened to her stories and saw her injuries and I could no longer handle listening to her stories. I supported her and held her when she cried all 8 times she decided to leave him and soon I couldn't handle it any longer. I just couldn't handle the drama anymore.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 12:14 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • Understand that in most relationships if there is an outside audience that they only see one side. Your friend, trying to be your support system, is probably exhausted with the back and forth. Don't get me wrong it is good to work on your marriage instead of giving up but this is not his first offense. There is a chance that your friend only sees the negative and because of her personality is not able to forgive as quickly as you are. As for her getting angry it is a normal response when someone thinks they are having your back in a situation.

    Answer by Iconoclast at 12:18 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I think you should understand that she will probably never support your marriage but will support you. Her going off on your husband was her way of standing up for you. He goes and cheats on you TWICE and then makes a "sweet" comment about you on facebook? I'd be peeved also because obviously if he thought so fondly of you he wouldn't keep cheating on you. She thinks he is scum because he is hurting her best friend (you) and it pisses her off. While making that comment on facebook might not have been the best decision....she obviously cares about you or she wouldn't have let her anger get the best of her.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 12:23 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • i think your friend went a bit too far but it sounds like she cares out u alot. its hard for her to see u touching a hot iron then crying ouch then touching it again then crying ouch again. whether u love your hubby or not... u basically KEEP stretching out your arms and touching that hot iron, i thinks that frustrates her- she cares

    Answer by maya123 at 2:08 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I agree with DomoniqueWS. You might want to try apologizing by saying something like "let's stay the friends we are and stay out of each other's relationships, I know how you feel about my dh and you know now how I feel about your bf, and since we don't agree, let just agree to disagree and not lose our friendship over this". I had to do something similar years and years ago - and we are still close friends to this day (for over 35 years now) !!

    Answer by JustMyOpinion22 at 8:33 AM on Nov. 12, 2010