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not sure how to handle situation...

Okay my DH and i want a second child. But im worried because he is having some issues getting some of his priorities straight. for instance sometimes he cares more about his current gaming system and the latest games than me or my dd. she can need a diaper change and cry for her dada and he doesnt even notice sometimes. i have tried talking to him about it and he says he will work on it but nothing ever changes. Im tired of always having the same conversation where nothing changes in the end. i want another child before our dd gets much older but just not sure what to do here. advice? and please dont totally badmouth my dh, i know he has a lil growing up to do... i get that all the time from some other people and dont want to hear it here too. just looking for some advice...

 
mrs.miner

Asked by mrs.miner at 11:59 PM on Nov. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Level 8 (222 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Realize that he'll probably not change in the near future and don't expect much help. If you want a new baby consider it your responsibility. It's just the reality you are working with, not fair, but that's what it is.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 12:06 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • Get a game you like, and hog the system. My husband zones out on the TV, but when I turn on Grey's Anatomy or Glee....it's amazing the things that happen. Sometimes the dishes even get done!
    sunshine58103

    Answer by sunshine58103 at 12:07 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • My husband is the same way sometimes. I will be trying to tell him something and he tells me to hold on because the enemies are trying to take his head off! lol. He's into his xbox, what can I say. Although at times it bothers me, I have to let him do things that he enjoys. If I start taking his personal time away, he will be frustrated and upset- we all deserve our fun time, time with the girls, book clubs, Bible studies, scrapbooking... what have you. It's ok. As long as you know that he's a good dad. Does he help when he can? Does he discuss important issues with you when you both have time to sit together and have those husband/wife moments? Having another baby is a wonderful decision for a couple to make. Tell him again that you appreciate his help, but don't take away his "me time". Things will be ok... keep the communication flowing. Hold your DH close- flaws, habits, and all! lol
    Sharell8710

    Answer by Sharell8710 at 12:08 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I think you need to tell him exactly what you wrote here because it sounds sincere but not judgmental of your dh. If you two could just agree on some new ways to go about daily life it might be easier. Like if he can play his video games when dd is sleeping. You might have to trade off some of your couple time so he can do his thing for a while but for me I'd rather my dh takes that time when our dd is sleeping. Or maybe he can be in charge of bath time or some other daily task to get more involved and help out. If you approach him with clearly defined things he can do to be a bigger part of things you might get results- men seem to hear better when you say give the baby a bath rather than just I need you to pitch in more. And maybe stress to him that games, etc are always there but your kids are only grow up once, when he's not a part of everything he and your dd are missing out on lots of great times together. GL!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:09 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them."
    Maya Angelou

    Your DH may change, he may not. Are you ready to take a chance to find out?? Understand that a household that has a father in it that is not there emotionally is worse than a houshold that has no father at all. You know your man and if you think that sticking it out and giving him time will bring about the change you want to see then do it. But, if you do believe that how he is, is who he is and that change will probably not come about then why bring in another child??

    Iconoclast

    Answer by Iconoclast at 12:14 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • i do give him his time. i told him he can have 30 min to do whatever the heck he wants when he gets home but i need at least an offer of help. but his idea is to sit on the game for 5+ hours at A TIME. I get no personal time unless she is asleep and she doesnt do that often. and when she does its my only time to catch up on house work and dinner or whatever else. i have tried asking him to do a specific task like if i have to work a particular day he has off then when i get home after 7 hour shift i ask him if its done and he is like no i forgot the game got interesting. and he gets upset that our dd is closer to me and wants me more when she is sick or hurt but when those things happen he doesnt do anything to comfort her cuz she is crabby and he doesnt know how to help and doesnt want to listen when i try to offer help in him comforting her.
    mrs.miner

    Comment by mrs.miner (original poster) at 12:20 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • well my husband works full time and is addicted to his computer games but when my son was born he had horrible colic and i had PPD and i just couldnt deal with it so i told him when he gets home he has to watch the baby or else im going to drive off the nearest cliff... now im not the most mentally healthy tool in the shed but it seemed to work for me, he started watching he baby until i got better :)
    pookipoo

    Answer by pookipoo at 12:23 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • Pookipoo... I had bad ppd after my dd and i would just sit and cry and cry he started to help a little more but stopped helping as much as she is getting older. i have tried getting through to him so many ways. i let him have time to play. i have pleaded with him to reprioritize his days and at least be straightforward with me, if he has no intention of helping me with anything and just wants to play his games then he should just say so and at least then i know not to expect help. he didnt use to be this way. when we first got married he was way more into being helpful around the house and whatnot. thats what makes this hardest... i dont know if this is a year long "stage" that he is going thru or what. i just know i dont know how to get thru to him and seriously need to
    mrs.miner

    Comment by mrs.miner (original poster) at 12:31 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • yeah same with my husband, now that my son is 2 and a half he doesnt help out half as much! its hard being a 'video game widow' i think you should go ahead and TTC for another anyway, maybe the added stress will make him help out more :)
    pookipoo

    Answer by pookipoo at 12:40 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I would have to tell you to wait...you have time and years ahead of you...
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 12:49 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

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