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5 Bumps

Taking a stand, I refuse to be a doormat any longer.

I am tired of being disregarded by my DH and my feelings meanless to him but his feelings important. I am tired of crying and feeling sorry for myself because of the way he talks to me. I am done with busting my ass to make him happy. We are going to fulfill each other's needs or I am done. I have become someone who puts herself aside for the betterment of the marriage and tolerates borderline abusive treatment. I cater to him but when I have feelings, he tells me my feelings are wrong and finds a way to get pissed at me. I always end up conceding just to have peace. So my question to you guys...how do I take a stand without being mean and rude myself? How do I do it in a way that let's him know that he either gets with the program or I am out of here? If I save my marriage I will be thrilled. But I am tired of being a doormat to him. I can't live my life like this anymore. (Counseling is out because he refuses to go)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:41 AM on Nov. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I think you may have just described my feelings to a T! My husband and I cannot seem to find a way to get through our issues, he is unwilling to go to counseling as well but our problem goes farther because he won't ever talk to me! If I try and bring anything up he tells me we are having problems because I talk...I FINALLY got through to him about a week ago. I asked the questions that matter and got some honest answers. You need to try and calmy talk to him about what is going on. If angry comes into play you need to take a break because that won't help anything. And just straight up tell him, you either work with me or I am out!
    ILoveCade

    Answer by ILoveCade at 6:03 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I agree you have to be honest and tell him you are considering leaving if things do not change. Talk things over and stay as calm as you can. Tell him how you feel. I don't know if he would consider looking at a book with you, but I understand Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw is very good. There is also a workbook you do together. It might be worth a try before you call it quits. Then you know you did all you could to change things. hug
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:00 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • You should read BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It's a wonderful help for women just like you.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:02 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I meant to say also that you want to talk about your feelings and how you would like things to be. Make your comments about you, not about him, to minimize any anger at the beginning of the discussion. And bring this all up when you both have a little free time. Tell him beforehand that you would like to talk to him about something.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:02 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • then you need to put yourself before him now.... it's your time.
    Lynnsae

    Answer by Lynnsae at 1:15 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • Unfortunately with a man like this, if you say something to him about it, it's going to come across as an ultimatum. Stop doing all the stuff for him and start treating him how he treats you and if he says something tell him "well honey, since this is the way you behave with me and you have all these years, I finally got the message that this is how you want to be treated." If he doesn't change and your willing to play the bluff then just leave. Again, don't say "either you do this...blah...blah...blah or I'm leaving." Just do it.
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 1:20 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • wellsome men don't listen or get angry if u tell them they are doing something wrong because in there mind there are always rite. talk to him and see where he's at? ask him about counseling or why is he that way? is he not happy? does he want the marriage to work? if u are really tired and see it not going anywhere then if you are ready you should leave some time time part works when they see ur are tired. but not then you will be happy alone instead of being stressed and unhappy. hope this helps
    iris718

    Answer by iris718 at 2:35 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

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