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In a long term marriage... rut vs. 'it's over?

S/O of the advice to newlywed's question.

I understand that marriages cycle and not everything is going to be great all the time. So how can you tell if it's just a rut, that down cycle in a marriage or if 'it's over'?
How do you tell the difference? Do they look and feel the same?

Are there specifics to help decide between the two?

 
isabellalecour

Asked by isabellalecour at 10:23 AM on Nov. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 26 (26,599 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • You know when a marriage is over when the emotions are gone and the rut part is when you feel bored and need to spice it up.
    older

    Answer by older at 10:25 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • i think that all depends on your motivation to try... if you dont want to keep trying new things =then it is over... if you are willing to work through the rough patch - then it is a rut.
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 10:52 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I think the biggest deciding factor is time, love, and a willingness to stick it through the rough times. You and your partner have to look inside yourselves and ask "Do I still love them?" "Is my love enough encouragement to stick it through this?" ...and if you've been in the same "rut" for such a long time "years" and feel that you can never overcome it, it may be a sign of something else. Good luck.
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 10:27 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I'd say it's the dedication of the couple. If they decide to refocus their energies and attentions on generating a committed and happy relationship, then it will be a rut. If not, then it's probably over - even if they don't get divorced.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 10:38 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • Well if you still know you love and respect him then it may be a rut. If you cry and can not think of life with out him. Then it is time to spice it up a bit.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 12:00 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • factors are*
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 10:29 AM on Nov. 12, 2010

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